Yuurei Ryoushi Naruto: Spirit Hunter Naruto
by kyugan
Summary: Request by Nero Sparda. Uzumaki Naruto has always wished to be accepted, to have some link to a family, to never be alone. What if someone offered to grant that wish...for a small service fee? Elements of XXX-Holic, Bleach & One Piece...Interested Yet?
1. Chapter 1

Alright, here we go again.

For those of you wondering 'what in the hell're u doin?', this is a little request on behalf of Nero Sparda, one of two, as the other is still in the works (Sorry Nero ^_^!)

Anyways, before you start ragging about it, at least read through it and see if it catches the interest of your Literary Tastebuds, or if it scalds with with a ferocity that the flames you spit will rebound onto me.

Halibel: Drama Queen.

Kyugan: No Ichigo & Toushiro Plushies for you!

Halibel:...(glare)...

Kyugan: (Nervous) Erm yes...kudos to Nero Sparda, hope you enjoy this man, cause it was fun typing-NO! NOT THE WHIP! ANYTHING BUT THE-!

-Signal lost-

Prologue:

Uzumaki Naruto, aged 4 (or was it 5?) stumbled along the deserted streets of Konoha, his head down and his stomach grumbling. In one hand he carried a sack, within which lay all he possessed, namely a change of pants, clothes, a few broken toys and one set of goggles, which he currently wore around his neck.

The poor lad had just been kicked, literally, out of the Konoha orphanage, the caretaker having had enough of 'cleaning up after your filthy ass', despite the fact there were children that caused ten times as much trouble and were notably louder than he was, namely because they knew HE'D be the one that got the blame.

As it was, the youth was looking for somewhere to camp out for the night, not wanting to have to sleep out in the open…again. Once had been quite enough, and he'd gotten a beating for sleeping on the doorstep of the orphanage, though he was too young to understand the type of image he presented by doing so. The Hokage had NOT been amused, that was for certain.

Shivering, he eyed the multitude of dark alleyways between him and the Ichiraku ramen stand with trepidation. He knew the road there by heart, but it didn't help that the orphanage had been set up in a pretty built up part of town, so the shadows of the buildings always loomed out at you when nighttime fell. 'Coast looks clear.' He noted, shivering slightly as he quickened his pace nonetheless, it didn't pay to drop your guard after all 'Maybe they won't show toni-!'

He froze, eyes widening in terror as he hugged the sack to his chest, his breath hitching in his terrified throat as he gazed at the sight before him, an arm lying between a set of potted plants. It was pale, from the tips of the fingers to the elbow, which was hidden between the plants, an unnatural paleness that didn't belong on anything living. From the way it was positioned, almost deliberately, one could assume it was someone's crude attempt at a practical joke.

That is, if one forgot the fact that the arm hadn't been THERE two minutes ago.

'Keep calm…' Naruto repeated, swallowing nervously as he stepped closer, trying not to breath to loudly as he did so 'It's just lying there…maybe it didn't see me…'

Keeping to the middle of the street, putting equal distance between the hand and the other side, the blond youth tiptoed past the limb, hackles rising in nail biting terror as it seemed to twitch as he drew near, before tearing past it in a mad burst of speed, rounding a corner and collapsing against the fence, gasping for breath as his nerves tingled. 'Didn't…react…' he noted, a sense of relief falling over him as he pulled in breath after blessed breath 'it didn't…see me…after all…'

The sickly sound of a popping wrist silenced those thoughts, the youth turning with horrified eyes to see an identical hand standing not ten feet away, though this one's arm was erect, like someone was sticking an arm out of the ground. Slowly, the joints creaking like rusted hinges, the hand beckoned him closer, the fingers drooping lifelessly towards the ground each time the palm moved.

Naruto ran, ignoring the searing pain in his sides as he pressed on, his sack of belongings clutched tightly to his chest as he willed more speed out of his limbs, his young mind filled only with the thought of reaching Ichiraku Ramen, without fear that the old man would be closed or that the hands would follow him the entire way.

Another pair rose up to meet, him, one nearly catching his ankle as he ran past, striking like a snake despite the clamminess of their skin and their creaking joints. Still more rose up to meet him, cats hissing at him as he ran .past, only to be dragged, yowling, beneath the surface as the ever reaching hands landed on them.

It was at this moment, as he was racing along the fence-line street, that Naruto realized he had no clue where on earth he was. None of the buildings looked familiar, though it was probably the lack of light and the fear clouding his mind, but he was absolutely certain that he hadn't been in this part of town before. He yelped as one of the things lunged out from under his foot, grabbing the sole of his cheap, threadbare sandal and pulling the thing off his foot, sending him crashing head first into the dirt outside an apparently empty lot.

Blinking stars out of his eyes, the blonde turned round, eyes widening in terror as a horde of the things formed a semi-circle around him, like hounds waiting to lunge at a cornered fox. Tears streaming down his cheeks, the youth backtracked slowly, trying to put as much distance between him and the approaching limbs, their clammy fingertips inches away from his shivering frame as his hand slapped against one of the gateposts that led to the lot.

A flash of light blinded him for a second, his body flinching as an eerie, bone freezing chorus of screams filled the air, his eyes cracking open just in time to see the limbs wither away, as if they were being melted, or burned.

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Blinking, unable to accept the fact his pursuers had been driven off, for now, the youth slowly gazed up at the gatepost, noting the strange, crescent moon symbols carved into it, before turning to eye the empty lot behind him, eyes widening in surprise.

Where once had sat a rather messy, unoccupied lot, the kind of place one would expect to be filled with garbage, there instead sat a large, stately looking house with a veranda, a decent sized garden lined with Cherry blossoms, and a large koi pond. The same moon motif adorned the walls and windows, even the wind chimes hanging from the archways had the upward pointing crescent.

'Sugoi-!' the youth breathed, looking at the splendor in amazement from the doorway, only to blink as his hand shot forward, as if tugged by some invisible string. He yelped as his feet, moving at a will not his own, promptly marched him down the path, his head tossing and turning fearfully as he tried to call out, the door to the house swinging open to reveal a dark corridor that smelled of expensive wood and incense, the smell near choking him.

'Wha-what's going on?!' he stammered, his eyes wide with terror as he took in the, clearly expensive, décor on the inside. Not that a five year old could comprehend such things, but even a simpleton could tell something cost a lot if it gave off a certain feeling of value. His thoughts trailed off as he came to a halt, finally, outside a paper door with a butterfly design, the scent of incense came from behind it, as did the scent of something decidingly…sweet?

"A visitor?" a calm, almost intrigued sounding voice called out from the other side, startling Naruto at it's suddenness "My-my, and what a visitor it is too…so young, and yet able to find this place when so many have failed."

"Um…I'm sorry for barging in…" Naruto stammered, bowing slightly, albeit clumsily towards the door and the person on the other side, as he'd seen others do when making a mistake "I…my feet just…started moving…I'll just go…"

"Wait…" the calm voice called out, and Naruto felt his legs freeze at that simple word, despite his brains urgings to run "Why don't you come on in? Let me get a good look at you."

Naruto, swallowing nervously and wondering why he hadn't run when he had the chance, reached out with a trembling hand towards the paper doors, only to flinch as they opened at his touch, sliding apart of their own volition to reveal a room filled with scented smoke, a calming aura, and a figure reclining on an elaborate chair at the other end.

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The figure was, to say the least, stunning. Pale skin shone in the lantern light, smoke wafting around it from an incense burner that stood near the chair. Long, ebony black locks trailed down it's back as it slowly sat up, the rustling of the silk, Chinese dress it was wearing nearly undetectable. It's face was pretty, as was the smile that rested upon the pale skin, framed by long, neatly groomed black bangs. The only things off about the face were the eyes, one of which was a deep, regal purple, the other a pale, almost electric, Blue.

"I get so few customers these days, I was beginning to lose hope." The figure commented, smiling in a strangely catlike manner, resting its chin on delicate, almost elfin fingers, not that Naruto had any idea what an Elf was "But then here you are, I must admit I never expected to meet one like you here, young man."

"I'm sorry miss…" Naruto stammered, bowing his head repeatedly as the orphanage director had demanded he do for the slughtest offence, missing the quirked eyebrow from the figure at being addressed as such "I didn't mean to! I just looked in and-!"

"There is no reason for you to apologize, young one." The elegant figure assured the panicking child with a light chuckle, those mismatched eyes dancing with catlike mirth "There is a barrier on this place; only those that need to come here can do so."

"Really?" Naruto asked, looking around in amazement at the walls, all of which carried the same strange butterfly motif in various shades of gold, red and orange. In fact, unless he was going crazy, it almost looked like the butterflies were moving along the walls.

"Indeed." His host noted, the amusement in those mismatched eyes putting the young blonde at ease somehow, though the ease at which they did so made him all the more wary "After all, this is a place that caters to a…select clientele."

"This is a shop?" Naruto asked, looking around the expensively decorated room in confusion this time. It certainly didn't look like a shop, at least not like one of the few he'd been to. If anything it looked like that house he'd seen a bunch of white-eyed guys come out of, only not as big.

"Indeed it is young one," the figure before him said with a smile, thin lips curving in a manner that, had Naruto been a teenager, would've made him very uncomfortable downstairs "A very special shop…a place where wishes are granted…for a price."

"Wishes?" Naruto stammered, the startled blonde's eyes flying wide with awe, gaping into the mismatched eyes of his enigmatic host as they twinkled at him, the smoke and smell of the incense wafting through the air, making it hard to focus on anything else.

"Indeed…for a price." The figure in the dress repeated, a coy smile tugging those pale lips, leaning forward with a smile "now then…shall I grant YOUR wish?"

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Kyugan: (Covered in whip-burns) And that's all the trailer you guys are going to get for now...(Whipcrack) YEE! But expect an update soon though!

Halibel: And before you ask; YES it's the Ichihara Shoten, but NO it's not Yuko running it, as the mismatched eyes should have made clear. (Glare) And before you ask, it's not Count D either.

Kyugan: But as to the identity of this dual-eyed mystery wish granter, you'll have to wait until the next update!

To Nero Sparda: Hope this is worth the wait bud...peace out and keep them reviews coming.

Grant my wish...send in Reviews!

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	2. Chapter 2

I gotta admit, the turnout for the last chapter was better than I'd hoped.

Halibel: To all you first reviewers, Thank you.

Kyugan: Mad Props to Nero Sparda; for without him this fic would not have taken root...and who wields a mean ass Devil Bringer when he's excluded from the higlhights.

Halibel: You asked for it.

Kyugan: I know...still hurts.

Again, Props to Nero Sparda, as it was HIS idea that got the ball rolling.

Chapter one: Swordsman.

Sarutobi 'Professor' Hiruzen, Sandaime Hokage and the vaunted 'God of shinobi', stared at the list before him grim confusion. It was the list of students for the genin crop, more accurately, those academy students that, upon passing the entry exams and rising through the academy to the finals, had earned the right to keep their genin rank.

What concerned him was not only the fact that a certain name was absent from this list, but that it had been absent three times now.

"Iruka-kun." He stated calmly, lowering the file with a cocked eyebrow, regarding the young chunin with a scar across his nose impassively, "I see Naruto-kun didn't make the cut this year again." he noted, though there was a definite point to it, like a dagger to the ribs.

"I wish I could say I was shocked Hokage-sama." Iruka sighed, shaking his head at the man's piercing look, as he knew the Hokage was merely looking out for the boy "But the fact is that, over the past three years, Naruto-kun has displayed a distinct…lack of interest at the academy."

Sarutobi blinked at this, as it was actually the first he was hearing of it. He'd enrolled Naruto at the academy, as per his father's wishes, to ensure that Minato's legacy could prove his worth to those that would scorn him by giving him the chance to act as it's protector. That, and the fact that at least at the academy he could keep an eye on the boy, since it seemed Danzo was up to his old…recruiting tactics for his 'secret' ANBU division.

But the fact that Naruto was not only failing in classes, but that his reason for doing so was a lack of interest, was news to him. Most boys his age would jump at the chance to become shinobi, the fact he'd let the boy enroll early, a subtle ploy to help the lad gain a better understanding of chakra control early on, had made Naruto the envy of his peers, for a time.

"Oh don't get me wrong." Iruka assured the frowning Hokage nervously "He participates in classes…when he's at them," he sighs, "It's just that his participation is usually limited due to what he claims as his 'job'; sometimes he turns up halfway through class looking absolutely spent, and others he just doesn't show up at all."

"And this…'Job', he speaks of?" Sarutobi queried, honestly a little suspicious. And could you blame him? Not only was the boy missing class, but he was apparently doing so because someone was running him into the ground? That just wouldn't do, not if the Sarutobi patriarch had something to say about it.

"Hm…I managed to corner him about it some time ago," Iruka muttered, pulling out a notepad and rifling through it "He says he works at a shop, and that he was basically 'on call' 24/7, the manager there keeps strange hours apparently." He frowned "However I think he might have been covering up, I looked all over the district he described and there were no shops matching his description there."

"Did he give you a name?" Sarutobi asked, pulling out his pipe as he mulled over the facts, lighting up just as Iruka flipped the page over. If all went well he'd be glaring the inconsiderate shopkeeper into submission with time to spare for his grandson's next attempt at an 'ambush'. The boy had apparently been picking up tips somewhere, as he'd actually come quite close to sneaking in without getting caught, something Ebisu took full credit for, though no-one believed him for a second.

"Ah yes," the chunnin noted with a nod, pulling out the relevant page from Naruto's monstrously oversized file with a flourish "He said he worked at the…Ichihara Shoten…" he blinked as the venerable Hokage started choking, having somehow managed to inhale his pipe, match an all "Hokage-sama?!"

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"I'm here…" Naruto called out, sighing as he removed his sandals at the entryway. He had grown over the years, filling out nicely for a thirteen year old, but well within the average for a shinobi village…in wartime.

He was dressed, as he usually was, in a loose, black T-shirt with a red Konoha leaf symbol on the front, and a whirlpool on the back. From the waist down he wore black Cargo pants, cut short just under the knees, with an orange haramaki around the waist. His blonde hair, tied back in a short ponytail, was as spiky as ever, but his bangs had grown out somewhat to frame his face.

"Hey," He called out, looking over his shoulder at the dark, silent hallway in confusion, and a little apprehension, as the only time the residents of the shop were THIS quiet was when they were asleep, or were doing something that required their FULL attention...and thus could prove disastrous if disturbed "Yoko, you here boss?"

"Welcome back!" a pair of voices called out cheerfully, Naruto turning to find a pair of girls, one in a white dress with little angel wings and the other in a black one that looked like something a vampire would wear, smiling at him in unison.

"Yo, Maru, Moro." He greeted, eyeing the twins with resigned affection as they danced around him, giggling and making senseless rhymes as he rubbed their heads in greeting , something the enjoyed thuroughly "Yoko here?"

"Master is waiting for you!" the twins cheered, grabbing his arm and, with surprising strength, pulled him down the hallway despite his protests.

That was something about the two that always unsettled the blonde, well, that and the fact the girls hadn't aged a day since he'd started working here. The twins acted like innocent, ditzy little girls on a perpetual sugar rush, kind of like how he used to be before Yoko picked him up, but there'd be times when they'd lift something he struggled to budge with ease, or said something that no child should even know how to spell with the innocence of youth.

Half the swear words Naruto knew today, he'd picked up from the pink and blue haired duo, and the other half he didn't dare utter aloud for fear of bringing the wrath of heaven on his head.

'But then again', the blonde noted, as he was dragged eagerly towards a by now familiar set of butterfly-adorned doors, pulling them open with a grunt 'I've seen freakier things than them since stepping into the Ichihara Shoten's employ…'

"Ah!" Yoko called out, the store manager smiling genially at the boy from his spot near a bookshelf, a dusty, no doubt extremely rare and valuable tome, balanced in one delicate hand as he flipped through it with his eldritch fingers "Welcome, back, Naru-rin!"

"Stop calling me weird names!" Naruto hissed, spiking out as he slapped the air in a classic display of comedic slapstick. Yoko, of course, merely chuckled in that disturbingly effeminate way of his, his mismatched eyes twinkling with catlike amusement as he returned the book to its spot on the shelf.

"But it's so fun!" the shopkeeper insisted, smiling at Naruto as the irate blonde stomped past, fuming and muttering something along the lines of 'smart-mouthed bishounen' as he set about helping sort out the inventory "How was school?"

"Didn't pass the exam." Naruto muttered, sighing dismissively as he popped his neck joints, picking up a pile of scrolls he'd been poking through for weeks now, his lip curling at the amount of dust that covered the ancient parchments "God damn, didn't your folks know how to categorize?"

"Mother was always a little…haphazard, when it came to storage." Yoko admitted with a hint of ire, only to smile coyly and cover his lips with a fan he pulled out of thin air "But then of course, Father was such a neat freak that it was hilarious to watch him find a mess she'd made of his work."

Naruto said nothing, merely turning his attention back to the scrolls. He'd been working at the store for almost ten years now, long enough that he'd heard a few stories about Yoko's enigmatic parents, the true owners of the place. Apparently they'd gone off on a 'Honeymoon Anniversary tour' around the globe not long before he'd stumbled upon the gate that fateful night, and hadn't come back to this day.

Oh they sent messages, usually in the form of letters, but sometimes Naruto would answer the door and have the living shit scared out of him by some messenger sprite with more eyes and teeth than it had right to have, or have to fend off enchanted packages that attacked anyone but their intended receiver.

Yoko had once admitted he'd inherited his mother's mischievous streak, though tempered with his father's rationality. If that was true Naruto was quite certain he never wanted to meet the woman without something sharp in his hands.

"It really is too bad about the exam…" Yoko noted with a sigh, dusting the bookshelf down with a detached air, soothing the rustling tomes with velvet words and gentle strokes of the brush "But then I suppose our work here is more important."

"You try telling that to the truancy officers..." Naruto muttered, recalling numerous occasions where he'd been dragged back to the academy by ANBU assigned to it by the Hokage. It had gotten so bad that he'd actually started keeping an eye out for them at all times, as he couldn't keep being dragged away from one of Yoko's side-jobs…the manager could get quite testy about that. As a result, his stealth and detection skills had gone right up, and he was currently acing the class on infiltration, something that annoyed a fair few examiners.

"Oh pish-posh," Yoko scoffed, waving the duster at him cheekily "A little exercise never hurt anyone…especially not a shinobi." He flipped the duster into a stand with alarming accuracy, considering it was behind him, at the other end of the room, and pulled out a scroll from a rack "On the subject though, I need you to do a job near the Uchiha Sector."

"Not that hellhole again!" Naruto moaned, slamming his face into the table in annoyance. The Uchiha sector had, some time ago, become a 'no-go' zone in the eyes of the public, namely because the entire Uchiha clan had been wiped out overnight, and there were rumors of vengeful spirits wandering around.

For Naruto however, it was more than just rumors. The entire area was FILLED to bursting with the shades of those murdered within its walls. Sometimes a few wandered out into the village proper, not causing anyone any undue duress, unless you counted sudden chills, fatigue and nausea. But sometimes a few less…genial sprits wandered out, ones that weren't particular with WHOM they directed their rage at.

Before Naruto had started patrolling the area at night, there had been numerous casualties, usually drunks or shinobi coming off the night shift, that were chalked up to either accidents or deliberate assault, the blonde sometimes wondered if, had he NOT started patrolling, there would have been a murder case.

"I thought I calmed those guys down last time I was there." He muttered, looking up from his spot as Maru and Moro place a cup of green tea within reach, sipping it carefully to calm his headache.

"You did," Yoko agreed, shrugging offhandedly as he returned another scroll to it's appointed resting place with the gentility of a mother putting her child in a craddle "But, well, it seems Fugaku-dono's in one of his moods again."

"Gods damn it…" Naruto groaned, covering his face with exasperation a he recalled a certain headless spirit with less than fond memories "I can see where Sasuke-no-yatsu gets his charming personality from…fucking emo bastards…"

"Emo! Emo!" Maru and Moro sang, spinning around the table pretending to be birds, or something that flew anyway, lookos of innocent merriment on their faces "Slash their wrists with razors! Dye their hair and wear mascara!"

"So adorable…" Yoko sighed, smiling at the girls, even as Naruto leveled a deadpan expression at him "Oh come now, Naru-pi," he pressed on despite the blondes snarl "I can't really hire someone ELSE to handle it, can I?"

Naruto sighed, shaking his head as he got to his feet, one hand scuffing up his blonde locks in resignation "Alright already…jus' lemme get Wadō out of the store…"

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Mizuki panted as he raced through the village, cursing the Kyuubi container for what felt like the umpteenth time that night. He'd been skulking around the academy for hours after the brat had failed the exam, though he had to admit the brat had potential.

His Taijutsu was 2nd only to the Hyuuga girl's, a fact that earned him some bad blood from a certain Uchiha's fan club when he kept wailing on their idol. His Genjutsu was, to be blunt, crap, but his ability to realize he was IN a genjutsu was top notch, though he needed to work on his dispelling jutsu as he tended to pump so much chakra into the thing that it disrupted several other jutsu in range as well. The only area he truly had difficulty with was Ninjutsu, mainly because he kept sleeping through Iruka's lectures, though to be fair Iruka was probably the only person that could make such an exciting topic as dull as watching paint dry.

He could pull of Kawarimi and the Henge without a fault, hell he could do the damn things without handseals half time! But the standard Bunshin jutsu, as always, had tripped him up, a fact Mizuki had tried to take advantage of.

It was simplicity itself to ensure that the class was tested on the bunshin jutsu for the final exam, for the third time in a row no less, meaning Naruto was the only one in class that failed the thing. This would have set the stage for Mizuki to play 'Good Samaritan' and trick the gullible little idiot into swiping the scroll of seals.

Only Naruto, upon failing the exam, had merely given a neutral shrug of his shoulders and marched off with his hands in his pockets, without a care in the world. Mizuki, figuring he was putting on a front, had stuck around to see off the last of the class, before heading out to put his plan into motion, but by then the brat had disappeared, meaning Mizuki had to pull off the heist himself, without a scapegoat.

Which was why he was currently racing through the deserted streets of the Uchiha district instead of calmly heading for the woods, the stolen scroll tucked under his arm as he clamped his free hand over his aching ribs, having learned the hard way that an annoyed Hokage, regardless of age, packed one hell of a punch.

'Dammit! This was supposed to have been easy!' the traitorous chunin muttered, 'Let the kid do the dirty work, hell he's slipped past ANBU before, then dispose of him and make for the hills.' He grit his teeth, ducking into an archway to catch his breath 'Instead I've probably got half the damn village on my tail and my picture already being added to the damn Bingo Book! I'll be lucky to make it to the damn gates alive!'

He shivered, the smell of dust and old blood rising around him as he kept his breathing as low as possible. He hated coming to the Uchiha district, but it was one of the few places that even ANBU class Shinobi didn't venture into willingly. The only ones that dared to walk the haunted streets of this place were the current rookie of the year, Uchiha Sasuke, and the ANBU assigned to watch him, a grey haired figure with a dog mask.

Therefore he was quite surprised to hear a voice just round the corner, a very FAMILIAR voice. Peeking out around the corner, the Chunin's eyes narrowed as he espied the source of his present dilemma having a conversation with an empty patch of air.

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"Sorry I had to be so rough Mikoto-san." Naruto offered the female specter before him, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, a weak grin on his face "But he really wasn't giving me a lot of options."

"No problem at all Naruto-kun." Uchiha Mikoto assured the blonde, her smile as gentle in death as it had in life as she offered the youth a small, apologetic bow "My husband can get a bit…excitable at times."

Fugaku glared up at his wife from his spot on the floor, where he was slowly, but surely, pulling himself back together. Naruto had pointedly missed areas that would've exorcised the man properly, but being cut into several pieces was not a comfortable experience, even for a ghost.

"By the way, how have you been doing?" the Uchiha matriarch asked, beaming at the blonde as she waited for her husband to reform with the patience of Buddha himself "I trust things are going well at the academy?"

"Failed the exam again." Naruto admitted, rubbing the back of his neck in mild irritation as he spoke, earning a look of concern from the woman and another, albeit less angry and more intrigued, frown from Fugaku "Damn bunshin jutsu again, I swear they do it on purpose."

"Now-now, Practice makes perfect." Mikoto assured the blonde, giggling slightly at his absolutely adorable expression, which she'd have hugged him for if she was corporeal "You'll get there, it can't be easy sitting through classes with your responsibilities."

"Meh, it's a living." Naruto muttered, shrugging offhandedly with a smirk at his own joke, just as Fugaku, who'd finally pulled himself together, got to his feet…or whatever spirits had that let them stand. "You okay there, Ossan?"

"Anata you shouldn't scowl so." Mikoto chastised, placing a hand on her husband's spectral shoulder as he towered over the blonde like a statue come to life "Naruto-kun is simply doing his job, and you DID have it coming."

Fugaku grunted, but his scowl softened a fraction from 'annoyed with Naruto' to his usual grumpiness. Naruto had idly wondered if the man had smiled a day in his life, but had never voiced such thoughts aloud and had no intention of doing so. It was extremely rude to talk about a spirit's former life after all, and he'd only just gotten the man to calm down. "How is Sasuke?" the Patriarch asked suddenly, but predictably, his arms crossed before him and tone demanding, like he was still Captain of the Konoha Police Force.

"Same as always." Naruto muttered, shrugging his shoulder in disinterest "Still walks around like he has a kunai up his ass, but at least he's eating right since I started bringing bento in to the academy." He nodded to Mikoto "Thanks for the lessons by the way."

"No problem at all." Mikoto assured the teen, her smile growing more radiant at the assurance that her baby was at least getting proper meals into him. During the first times he'd wandered into the Uchiha Complex, she had seen he was clearly not eating right, mostly living off instant garbage and sweets, but seeing as the boy couldn't see or hear her, she couldn't do anything about it.

Just as she was about to 'Go Rogue' as Naruto put it, the blonde had turned up and started reigning in the spirits that got too wrapped up in their anger. Mikoto had seized on this by offering to send regular reports on the activities of the others provided Naruto did the same regarding Sasuke. She'd even thrown in some cooking lessons as a sweetener.

"He's passed the exam, so it'll probably be harder to get him lunches now." Naruto noted, scratching his neck as he thought "But I'll keep tabs on him around town at least."

Fugaku grunted again, nodding his head ever so slightly in the blonde's direction, only to frown towards a corner not ten feet away. Naruto, recognizing the dead man's expression, turned round slowly to face the corner, his hand going to one of the swords resting in his haramaki "You gonna come out?"

There was a slight intake of breath, and then Mizuki stepped into view, his familiar, pleasant smile lining his features as he looked down at the blonde.

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"Well now Naruto-kun," the silver haired traitor greeted, keeping his tone jovial and his face set in his usual friendly teacher mask, which he used to play the 'good cop' to Iruka's 'bad cop' more often than not "so this is where you've been all day? Playing with your invisible friends?"

"Something I can help you with Mizuki-sensei?" Naruto asked, not moving his hand from the hilt of his sword. Behind him, unseen by Chunin, Fugaku and Mikoto were scowling at the silver haired man. After all, dead or not this was still THEIR home, and trespassers, Naruto being the exception, were not to be tolerated.

"I could have used your help a little earlier," Mizuki admitted, wincing as his ribs ached from the Sandaime's enraged blow "But not at the moment," he assured the teen "in fact, I wasn't expecting to run into you again."

"You heading out on a mission?" Naruto asked, looking the man over and noting the number of shuriken and kunai he was carrying "Or you just come back from one?" he suggested, noting from the man's posture that he was breathing hard and was favoring his ribs on the left side.

"Bit of both actually.' Mizuki admitted, continuing to spin the yarn as he advanced on the blonde, unaware of several spectral lights forming behind him, like will-of-the-whisps "I'm just about to head back out and thought I'd say hello."

"Pretty big scroll you got there." Naruto noted, eyeing the massive roll of parchment under the man's arm with interest. He'd seen several in Yoko's collection, but none this big, or as heavily warded "Special delivery?"

"Just a missive from the Hokage to the daimyo." Mizuki assured him, drawing ever closer, subtlty moving his free hand to his chunnin vest to extract a knock out gass pill "In my state they figured messenger duty would be safer."

"He's lying." Fugaku muttered, his tone dark and his eyes darker as he glared at the man before him with abject disgust from over Naruto's shoulder "That's the Hokage's Scroll of Seals. It should NOT be in the hands of a mere chunnin."

Naruto's eyes hardened and he drew his katana, slashing at Mizuki, who leapt back with a startled look in his eyes, several locks of silver hair falling between them. "What're you doing with Saru-jiji's scroll?" the blonde demanded, eyes narrowing as Mizuki's look of shock turned to a sickly sneer.

"Feh, so the fox retains his wits does he?" the silver haired chunnin scoffed, forcing down a wince as his ribs protested his sudden movement "Shouldn't be surprised you'd sniff me out, someone that can dodge ANBU patrols must have a sharp mind."

"I'm only going to ask you once more." Naruto growled, drawing another sword from its sheath as he glared at the man, letting the light of the moon overhead reflect off the blade, higlighting his face "Where are you going with that scroll?"

"What are you going to do if I refuse to answer?" Mizuki asked coyly, confident in that fact that, even injured as he was, he could take on any amount of gennin, only to blink as the blonde smirked, raising a third sword to his face with his fingers.

"Then I'll let my SWORDS do the asking." The blonde assured him darkly, placing the hilt of the third blade between his teeth, holding the other two across his chest as he did so, his eye dancing with dark mirth.

Mizuki blinked at the spectacle, trying to fathom just what the blonde intended to do with three swords, one held between his teeth for that matter, only to blink and find the horror standing within striking range, the sword in his left hand slashing upwards. He stepped back, barely, his chunnin vest slashed open and a small nick forming on his chin as he put some distance between the teen and himself, his free hand already going for the giant shuriken on his back.

"Too Slow!" Naruto called out, somehow able to speak despite the fact he was holding a katana with his teeth, bringing the weapons down from on high, forcing Mizuki to block the attack awkwardly with his shuriken.

Around them, drawn by the sounds of clashing metal, the shadowy specters of the murdered Uchiha clan watched the fight with interest.

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Umino Iruka cursed himself for the umpteenth time s he tore through the streets looking for Mizuki. 'How could I not have seen it?' he wondered grimly 'I was with Mizuki almost every day, I knew him better than anyone outside the Hokage…how could I miss something like this?'

The chunnin had been dragged from his home, where he'd been pondering the Hokage's order to 'Stay The Hell Away From That Shop!' by a call to action from one of the other Academy Chunin. They'd met up at the base of the Hokage tower to find Sarutobi, in full battle gear and a dark scowl on his face, sending off the ANBU with orders to bring the Scroll back UNHARMED.

It went without out saying that the traitor's condition wasn't even of secondary concern, as Iruka had caught sight of a familliar tuft of spiky purple hair racing off with a cackle...which usually meant that they'd be sweeping what was left Mizuki up into a dustpan when she was through with him.

Be that as it may, Iruka had never thought he'd see the 'Professor' in his battle gear again, the last time he'd witnessed it had been when the Kyuubi attacked, and he'd used his arsenal of jutsu to ensure the civilian shelters were secure.

The sound of clashing steel caught the Chunin's attention, his head turning towards the Uchiha district, where the faint sound of battle could be heard despite the distance. Shivering at the thought of entering the supposedly haunted grounds, the chunnin nonetheless leapt towards the noises, sending a flare up for the rest of the pursuers to follow.

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Mizuki gasped for breath, his free arm trailing limply, barely holding onto his kunai as he glared at the blonde horror before him. Normally the idea of an academy Student beating a Chunin in hand-to hand combat would've brought a smirk to his lips, but he'd been injured before the fight had started, and one of his hands was occupied with keeping the scroll safe.

Naruto on the other hand, seemed to be running on a full tank, and then there was that seemingly limitless stamina of his. Even when Mizuki tried sneak attacks the blonde would whip round and deflect them with his weapons, almost as if he had someone looking over his shoulder, warning him of attacks.

Then there was the blonde's…unorthodox manner of fighting. Mizuki had seen kenjutsu many times on the battlefield, had even faced off against masters, but he'd NEVER seen a style where you used more than two swords at a time, especially not one where you held a katana between your teeth.

But it was effective; oh Kami was it effective. The Chunin's frame was littered with small slashes and several decidedly more serious ones that were testament to that fact. He'd block strikes from the blades in the blonde's hands only for the one between his teeth to cut into him by surprise, even if he DID manage to block that one, one of the others or both would swoop in and land blows that, normally, he could have avoided.

'And on top of that, we've probably drawn the search parties after me.' He muttered darkly, keeping an eye out for masked ANBU along the rooftops 'Hell with the amount of noise we're making I'm not surprised if we woke the damn dead!'

"You runnin' out of breath there, Sensei?' Naruto called out, a smirk forming around the hilt of the Katana as he stood there, swords at the ready, completely unscathed despite Mizuki's best efforts and numerous attempts at sabotage "Ready to call it quits?"

"Like hell!" Mizuki snapped, glaring at the smug little bastard as he straightened up, refusing out of pride to admit, even to himself, that HE was the one on the ropes "Don't you look down on me you freak! It's your fault I'm in this mess!"

"Howling like a whipped dog ain't the sign of a good teacher, Sensei." Naruto shot back, a mocking smirk on his face as he shook his head "I mean sure I'm kicking your ass here, but you could at least be civilized about it."

"Cut the shit!" Mizuki spat, teeth clenched in anger as he pointed at the insufferable brat "If I wasn't injured you'd have been dead ten times over before this fight had gotten started!" he scoffed mockingly "As if a monster like you could comprehend a fair fight."

"This is about the damned fox isn't it?" Naruto muttered, sighing as Mizuki's eyes bulged out of his head "Seriously, for a guy in charge of teaching kids, you sure are stupid, did you really think springing something like that would shake me up?"

"How did you know about the fox?!" Mizuki hissed, cursing as one of his aces went fluttering away into the night air. He'd been counting on the shock factor to catch the blonde off guard, had actually revelled in the idea of watching him falter. But apparently someone in the village hadn't been silenced in time.

"My boss at my job noticed the seal a few years ago," Naruto replied, recalling the incident when Yoko had given him a bath at the shop and shrugging offhandedly, like he was commenting on the weather "Was a shock back then, but I got over it," he rolled his shoulders "nothing like back breaking labor for a slave driver to take your mind off the fact people hate you for having an overgrown fur coat sealed in your gut."

"Don't make light of your burden." Fugaku muttered, looming behind the boy like, well, a phantom, his arms crossed and a slightly less stern expression on his face "Sasuke wouldn't be alive now if it weren't for your sacrifice."

Naruto said nothing, as that was the closest thing he'd get to acceptance from the Uchiha patriarch's specter. Fugaku didn't like him that much, hell he didn't like anyone that much, but he gave credit where it was due and didn't hold Naruto responsible for the events that transpired thirteen years ago. To Naruto, that somehow meant more than if a whole horde of people got down on their knees before him. "Right, right…" He muttered, turning his gaze back to Mizuki to lazily swat a thrown Kunai out of the way "Getting sloppy there Sensei, didn't need to look to block that one."

"Feh…trash talking brat…" Mizuki growled, annoyed that the sneak attack had failed, again "Skulking around in this…graveyard at night…" he snorted "but then I suppose this is the perfect place for you, what's another monster or two after all?"

Naruto shivered at that, Mizuki's words had caused several member s of the crowd, including Fugaku, to scowl, emitting a chill that was growing stronger by the second.

"The wash-out hanging out in the wash-out district," Mizuki scoffed, "No-one really misses the Uchiha; they were just the Hokage's pet police force after all." He snorted "Nothing but a back of strays that didn't know when they were beaten…eh?"

Naruto sighed, shaking his head at the man's stupidity as the temperature dropped low enough they could see their breath. Shadows were widening behind the man too, as some of the more hotheaded spirits began to lose their tempers.

"Oh you dumb…dumb fuck…" the blonde muttered, shaking his head, sword still held between his teeth, as he watched Mizuki look around in horror "Don't you know better than to speak ill of the dead?" his eyes seemed to glow in the encroaching darkness "Especially on their own turf?"

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Mizuki would have shot back a retort, but a cold, clammy, transparent hand landed on his shoulder, followed by several more as the residents of the Uchiha District, as one, ganged up on the screaming chunnin. He could feel cold, grasping hands clawing at his skin, his cuts freezing as phantom fingers dug into them viciously.

Dropping the scroll and waving his liberated hand around, the desperate traitor tried to ward off his invisible assailants, his eyes widening as, slowly but surely, rotting faces and glowing eyes appeared around him, lit by blue, spectral flames.

"Hah-hah-HALP!!!!" the man screamed, crashing around in a terrified frenzy, as if his limbs were on fire, trying to throw off the spirits as they proceeded to dig into him like starving wolves, which only managed to make them hold on tighter "For the love of God, HELP ME!"

Naruto watched the pitiful sight unfurling before him with a detached expression, before sighing, shaking his head, the katana still held between his teeth as he stepped forward, bringing his swords to bear "Mataku…sometimes I HATE this job…"

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Iruka had just leapt into the Uchiha complex when a massive burst of wind launched into the sky from the centre, startling him and filling the air with dirt, leaves and, for some reason, specks of blood.

Rushing towards the disturbance, the scarred Chunin's eyes widened at the sight of a familiar blonde figure standing in the middle of the road, sheathing a long, white Katana back into his orange haramaki. "Naruto?" he called out, his tone inquisitive as the blonde turned to him, surprised.

"Iruka-sensei?" Naruto called out, his eyes widening with surprise, though there was also a pleased look at the sight of the scarred chunnin, whic all in all made Iruka feel rather chuffed with himself "What're you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here?" Iruka countered, his hands instantly on his hips as he bore down on the teen in full-on lecture mode "Don't you know the Uchiha district is off limits?"

"Yeah, well I had a job to do out here." Naruto muttered, scratching his neck in that suspicious way he did whenever he didn't want to go into too much detail "I was just finishing up when I ran into Mizuki-teme and…"

"Mizuki was here?" Iruka asked, his tone shifting from lecturing to inquisitive, his stance that of a serious chunnin rather than a strict, but kind-hearted academy instructor, as his gaze hardened accordingly "Where did he go?"

Naruto merely smirked, a strangely vulpine leer, one of his canines poking out over his lip, before stepping back and pointing straight up. Iruka, not in the mood for games, was about to tear into the youth about responsibility when he noticed that it was getting darker. He barely managed to leap back as Mizuki, looking like he'd been put through a blender, crashed into the pavement headfirst, sprawling across the cobbles like a ragdoll before landing face down in a little surprise one of the mongrel strays had left for him.

Iruka stared at the prone form of his former colleague, noting the various rips and tears on the man's uniform, before turning to gape at Naruto, who had hoisted the recovered scroll of seals over one shoulder.

"You think I can charge overtime for this, Sensei?"

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And there we have thie first, actual chapter of this work of fiction.

For those with questions regarding Naruto's wish, you'll have to hang tight for the next chapter, which sadly won't be as quick in coming out due to work.

But for those with questions regarding Naruto's employer, you're in luck!

Yoko is, predictably, Yuko and Watanuki's son, make of that what you will. He looks, and acts, more like his mother, but whereas Yuko is a booze hog, Yoko has a sweet tooth that rivals Count D's, including his childish reaction to said treats.

In fact, his dress sense is an amalgamation of his mother's and the Count's, in that no matter what her wears he looks like a woman, Hell he could be dressed up in a Nazi SS uniform and Himmler himself would've been turned on.

This, and the fact he also has Yuko's flirty, teasing nature, makes it VERY uncomfortable for anyone that meets him for the first time, as he makes Women feel both inferior & Turned on (Albeit unintentionally) and Men question their sexuality (THIS is on purpose, as he loves tormenting homophobes, like Jiraiya.)

Another interesting note, that will be addressed in later chapters, is that Yoko is BI, seeing both women & men as beings worth pursuing, much to the annoyance of Naruto and the discomfort of nearly everyone else. (Like Kakashi...or the Hyuuga/Uchiha Clans in general).

And so, with that out of the way, Adieu! Abientot!

Halibel: Speak english.

Kyugan: Yes ma'am...

R&R!

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	3. Chapter 3

Good morning True Reviewers!

Or is it good evening? Meh, who cares, another chapter has been added to this masterpiece in the making!

Halibel: Presumptuos much?

Kyugan: A man can dream can't he? Now some of you have been asking what technique Naruto used to beat Mizuki-

Halibel: Nobody asked.

Kyugan: and the answer is he used Santouryuu: Tatsumaki. The opponent basically spins in a circle, creating an upwards spiral that lifts the opponent into the air, slashing them from all sides. Zoro used it on Hachi of Arlong's fishmen crew.

Halibel: There also exists a version that can be used without swords.

Kyugan: Wasn't that in the anime only? eh, no matter, Zoro cool that way.

Special credit to Nero Sparda, who is the TRUE father of this brainchild of a fic. I simply delivered it.

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Chapter two: Kakashi.

Sarutobi Hiruzen looked over the pair of individuals standing in front of his desk with a hint of pride. Not only had the scroll been recovered, it had been done without any casualties. Well, except for Mizuki of course, but then the traitorous Chunin was currently enjoying Ibiki's 'special treatment' to see who he'd been working for, though Sarutobi had his suspicions.

As it were, it looked like Iruka-kun was in for a pay rise, seeing as he'd been the one to correctly guess where the man was hiding out, but that paled in comparison to the rewards being meted out to a certain blonde.

"Well now Naruto-kun." He chuckled, smiling at the youth in his usual grandfatherly manner "It seems you've taken up bounty hunting since I last saw you…" he smiled "and the ink hadn't even had a chance to dry on the posters yet."

"Meh, I just bumped into him by chance," Naruto muttered, popping his neck joints stiffly as he spoke "I was just finishing a job when the fruitcake tried to jump me"

"Yes…" Sarutobi muttered, a frown creasing his weathered features, as he looked the boy over carefully "About that Naruto-kun…could you tell me what you were doing in the Uchiha District? At Night no less?"

"Like I said, my boss asked me to do a job that night." Naruto supplied, shrugging in a non-committal manner that earned him a rap on the head from Iruka for his cheek "Ite-! Ask Yoko if you don't believe me!"

"That won't be necessary." Sarutobi assured the blonde, shooting a warning glance at Iruka, who just looked more confused by the second "I have no doubt that…Ichihara-san, wouldn't have sent you out there if you couldn't handle it."

"Hell yeah he would." Naruto countered, a scowl on his face as an image of a chortling Yoko entered his mind "That guy's a sadistic nut job. He LIKES to see how far he can push something before it breaks, says it builds character."

'Don't I know it…' the Hokage muttered, recalling a few…instances in the past, that he intended to forget with the aid of his trusty pipe and Jiraiya's porn the second he got these two out of his office. "Be that as it may." He continued, clearing his throat, "I think it's only fair that, since you performed a Shinobi assignment with ease, and since your overall scores from the academy show marked improvement, that you should have this."

Naruto blinked, eyeing the brand new Hitai-ate the Hokage placed before him in surprise, but with much less enthusiasm than either adult expected "You sure about this Jiji?" he asked, looking the Hokage over "I'm happy enough with the bounty, don't wanna cause Iruka-sensei any trouble."

"No trouble at all Naruto-kun." Iruka assured him, secretly grateful that the boy was getting his chance to shine "In fact, you'd be doing me a favor, we're one person short for the team rosters this year."

"Well okay then." Naruto assented with a smirk, picking up the Hitai-ate and tying it to his arm, grinning like a fox the entire time "But I still get the bounty, right?"

"But of course." Sarutobi chuckled, smirking at the boy with good humor, noting the comparisson to his mother in the way his eyes had gleamed at the mention of the reward "Not to mention mission pay, equivalent to a B-class mission."

"B-class?" Naruto repeated, looking a little confused, only for Iruka to explain the basics of the mission-ranking system "So basically I'm stuck on garbage detail till I hit Chunin?"

"Well…not exactly." Iruka countered with a wince, as he didn't want to jade his favorite blonde's opinion of the shinobi way of life before he got started "Once a team completes enough missions, their sensei can recommend them for a C-rank, though those usually amount to little more than courier and escort missions in low threat areas."

"Meh, least it gets me out of the village I suppose." The blonde reasoned, shrugging offhandedly before looking at the clock "Crap in a Hat with Sprinkles! I'm late!"

Iruka blinked, noting a trail of smoke as Naruto vacated the office, several sheets of paper fluttering through the air as he stood in awe of the blonde's speed.

'He's his father's son alright.' Hiruzen noted with a wry chuckle, watching as Iruka slowly snapped out of his daze long enough to yell at Naruto for running in the hallways. 'I can only hope he lives up to your expectations…Minato.'

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Uchiha Sasuke scowled at the front of the class, trying desperately to ignore the gaggle of giggling girls that were clamoring for his attention the entire time. How so many of them had passed the academy final exam he didn't know, but he prayed to whatever deity that was listening that he didn't wind up with one of them.

He wasn't gay, it should be pointed out, it was just that he wasn't interested in any of them, they were too young to be seen as attractive yet, and were far too loud for his tastes in any case. That, and he was actually into older women, but you couldn't have gotten him to admit to that even if you gouged his eyes out.

Looking up as the door opened, the Uchiha felt one ebony brow quirk as a familiar face slouched in, one hand in his pockets, the other carrying two cloth bento carriers, a trio of katana tucked into an orange haramaki and a pair of goggles around his brow.

"Yo, Teme." Naruto greeted, pulling up a seat next to the Uchiha, the fan club too busy arguing amongst themselves to notice he'd claimed the last one "Brought you lunch, it's Inari-zushi and sour plum."

Sasuke grunted, but accepted the package without a second thought. He had to admit that the dope was a good cook, much better than the stuff HE was capable of producing, and while he'd never admit it to his face, it was good to have a home cooked meal prepared for him than to have scarf down that instant stuff he'd been living on since…the incident.

"I thought you failed." the Uchiha stated, looking the blonde over as he put his sandaled feet up on the desk, quirking an eyebrow as Naruto pointed to the headband tied around his arm.

"Pulled off a job for Saru-jiji the other night." The blonde muttered, as if that explained everything, yawning as he crossed his feet on the desk and slumped into his seat, eyes closed "Wake me when they announce the teams will ya? I'm beat."

Sasuke scoffed, but didn't say anything to contradict the blonde. It was a simple enough request, and he didn't see any reason to be petty to one of the few people at the academy that didn't annoy the hell out of him.

Ever since the incident, no even before, Uzumaki Naruto had been a point of interest for the Uchiha. He'd apparently been allowed to enter the academy early, something that only one other person he'd known had accomplished, but his poor attendance had resulted in him being held back three times.

When Sasuke had first come across the boy, he hadn't thought much of him, seeing only a blonde idiot that fell asleep half way through the day and annoyed the hell out of the teachers. Then he'd faced off with the kid in a spar, and had promptly found himself dumped on his ass, shocked at the other boy's strength and tenacity.

And so had begun a fierce rivalry that had actually spurred Sasuke to new heights; if Naruto had him beat in Taijutsu, then Sasuke would outdo him in Ninjutsu, both of them were trailing in Genjutsu, but Sasuke's grasp of the theoretical was leaps and bounds ahead of Naruto's.

He was one of the few people that Sasuke felt he could let his guard down around…to an extent. Plus it was nice to have a sparring partner that could give back as much as he received, Kiba was strong but had a habit of letting his temper lead him astray, Chouji and Shikamaru were too gentle or lazy to put effort into a spar, and Shino…something about the Aburame just gave Sasuke the creeps.

"Hey!" two shrill voices called out in tandem, Sasuke wincing as Haruno Sakura and Yamanaka Ino, the ringleaders of the Fan club, stood to the fore and started yelling at Naruto "Get off that seat! I wanna sit next to Sasuke-kun!"

'Idiots…' Sasuke growled as the pink and blonde kunoichi began arguing amongst themselves over who got the seat, their screeches and protests rising higher and higher, only to blink as he noticed Naruto's chakra starting to flare.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Naruto snarled, his face enlarging in a passable rendition of Iruka Sensei's trademark 'Giant Evil Head no Jutsu', his eyes white and his teeth sharp and pointed "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"

Sasuke smirked, hiding it behind his hands as he gazed at the chastised fan club, which was cowering in a corner from the palpable killing intent Iruka's jutsu always managed to instill. He made a note to ask the blond where he'd learned it, it could come in use if he wanted some alone time, but at that moment Iruka marched in, shooting the cowering girls a confused look as he ordered them to take their seats.

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"Well class, it looks like this is the last time I'll be seeing you." The chunnin chuckled, smiling over them from behind his desk "Just make sure you keep up your skills and keep the shinobi code in your heart at all times as you watch your teammates backs out there."

He then began reading out off the team rosters, Sasuke not even bothering to listen as he allowed his mind to wander, though he did keep an ear out for his name or the dope's.

"Team Seven…" Iruka called out, looking up as he spoke "Uzumaki Naruto…" Sasuke elbowed Naruto in the ribs, leaning back out of the path of a retaliatory backhand that smacked Kiba upside the nose "Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke." The chunnin finished, sweat dropping as the Inuzuka rolled across the floor holding his nose and cursing "Kiba-kun, take your seat would you? And don't swear in class."

Kiba did so, muttering under his breath as Akamaru, his puppy, growled at Naruto, only to yelp and hide inside it's master's jacket as the blonde glared at it. Next to the boy, a certain shy Hyuuga heiress was looking a little downcast at missing out on the possibility of teaming up with the blonde, but was glad to see he'd graduated this year.

"And that's it." Iruka trailed off, having assigned the offspring of the Ino-Shika-Cho to Team Ten "Please wait here for your Jounin sensei." he smiled wistfully "And take care, all of you."

Naruto chose, at that moment, to let out a particularly loud snore, eliciting a series of laughs from the class as Iruka face faulted, his heartfelt words having no effect on the once again slumbering blonde.

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Naruto was roused from his slumber by Sasuke kicking him in the ribs, the blonde glaring balefully at the avenger, who had stepped back out of striking range, hands in his short pockets as he tilted his head towards the door. "Our sensei finally showed up." The dark haired teen muttered, his tone disinterested but with an impatient glint in his eyes "C'mon, we're meeting him on the roof."

Naruto grumbled, picking up his swords from where he'd leant them against the desk and tucking them into his Haramaki as he went. As they walked along, Sasuke couldn't help but eye the weapons with interest, his eyes resting on the one in the white sheath and hilt the longest, as it was clearly leagues apart from the cheap, regular ones the blonde carried with him. "Where'd you get those?" he asked, nodding towards the blades in question. Katana weren't that uncommon in Konoha, for those above chunnin that is, and he'd never seen the blonde carrying them before.

"Eh? Oh, I picked these up dirt cheep during the academy rummage sale a few years back." Naruto muttered, referring to the twin black sheathed weapons at his side.

"And the white one?" Sasuke asked, looking over the weapon with interest. It was clearly of a better quality than the other two, the scabbard was a creamy white and spoke of good care and handling. Sasuke wasn't an expert in swords or anything, but he'd sat watching his father and brother clean their equipment long enough to tell a good sword from a cheap piece of junk.

"This?" Naruto asked, bringing his hand to rest on the weapon with an almost…somber expression on his face "This was my mom's."

Sasuke's eyes widened, looking at the blonde in surprise at those words, before nodding and keeping his thoughts to himself. Both teens knew that 'family' was a touchy area for the other, and there was an unspoken rule that no matter how hard they fought they never brought THAT particular topic into things. Sasuke, after all, knew what it was like to hold onto a cherished memento of a lost parent, in this case, one of his mother's favorite hairpins.

The two walked in silence towards the roof, blinking slightly at the sudden brightness as they took their places next to an eager looking Sakura, Naruto slouching forwards slightly next to Sasuke, who assumed a brooding pose as he regarded their jounin-sensei warily.

He was tall, but appeared shorter because of his seemingly perpetual slouch, one hand tucked into his pocket while the other held a bright orange book up to his face. Said face was half hidden beneath a black shinobi facemask that disappeared beneath his green flak jacket, the rest of it consisted of a single, half-shut eye that was moving slightly as he read, the other eye hidden behind his Hitai-ate, which was pulled diagonally over it in a makeshift eye patch. Combined with his spiky gray hair, the man gave the impression of a laid-back, scruffy old dog, even though his wrinkle-free skin made it clear he couldn't have been much older than thirty.

"Yo." The man greeted, snapping the book shut after a few seconds, tucking it away and eye smiling at them "So you're the new team 7 huh? Well I'm your Jounin sensei." He tilted his head at them, "So then, let's introduce ourselves shall we? Likes, Dislikes, you know the drill."

"Um…Sensei?" Sakura called out uncertainly, raising her hand in the air like a good little teacher's pet "Shouldn't you go first? You're the stranger here after all?"

"Who…me?" the scruffy jounin repeated, blinking lazily "Well…My name's Hatake Kakashi, I'm the kind of guy that doesn't like talking about his likes or dislikes." He shrugged lazily "Can't say I have any dreams…though I do have hobbies…"

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While the three Genin gazed at the man in exasperation, Kakashi was taking the time to analyze them with his half-lidded stare.

As a former ANBU captain, Kakashi was notably adept at analyzing people from the first glance, and rarely found his initial assumptions corrected. Many an opponent in the past had found their weak points taken advantage off by the jounin within a few minutes of the fight, it was one of the many tactics he used to break their rhythm.

'A Bookworm, an Uchiha, and an Enigma.' He muttered, his eyes running over the trio with apparently little interest, noting Sakura's light, malnourished frame 'self inflicted, advise proper diet and exercise regime.', Sasuke's pale skin 'Recommend a majority of outdoor missions' and Naruto's lack of interest 'Wonder how he's grown...?'

"Right then, let's start with you, Pinky." He called out, earning a dark glare from the girl, to which he returned with yet another innocent eye-smile that implied butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

"My name is Haruno Sakura." The kunoichi introduced, a little unnerved at how her Glare, which the Sasuke fan club had cowed many of their male classmates into submission, had appeared to amuse the jounin "My Hobbies are…" she looked at Sasuke and blushed "I like…" repeat action, deeper blush "My dreams for the future..." Turn Magenta, squeal loudly "And I hate insensitive jerks like Naruto!"

She glared at the blonde for emphasis, only to find him lying stretched out on his back, snot bubble rising as he snored away without a care in the world for her opinion.

'I like this kid.' Kakashi noted with approval, watching as the girl worked herself into a froth at having been ignored so effectively, before turning his attention to Sasuke "Right then, Mr. Sunshine, you're next."

"Uchiha Sasuke." The Uchiha muttered, scowling slightly at the nickname; so he didn't get out much, what business was it of anyone else? "My Likes and Dislikes…"

"He likes sparring, green tea and yakkitori." Naruto cut in, apparently only pretending to sleep, as Kakashi had suspected "He hates sweets and annoying fan girls with too much time on their hands." He cracked an eye open at the scowling avenger "Hey, I had to keep you from coming off as emo right?"

Sasuke scoffed, but Kakashi noticed a hint of a smirk behind the Avenger's hands and a slight loosening of the shoulders 'Mental Note: those two should always be together even if they fail the exam.'

"I don't have any dreams to speak of." Sasuke concluded "But I DO have an ambition…I want to get stronger, to not only revive my clan, but bring the one responsible for it's demise to justice."

Kakashi cocked an eyebrow at that, having been expecting a vow to kill Itachi from the Uchiha, before turning his gaze towards the reclining blonde, who appeared to be snoring again 'DEFINITELY recommend they're kept together.' He muttered, before clearing his throat "And finally, the Sloth." He called out, only to blink after a few seconds with no response "Hello?"

"Naruto no Baka!" Sakura screeched, nearly deafening Sasuke with her lung capacity as she glared at the snoring blonde "Quit embarrassing us in front of Sensei!"

"Oh shut up, Hag." Naruto muttered, Sasuke smirking at Sakura's gob smacked expression as the blonde yawned, popping his neck joints "I'm Uzumaki Naruto." He muttered half-heartedly "I like Ramen, training, taking naps and getting paid for doing a job right." He rolled his shoulders "I hate the 3 minutes it takes for ramen to cook, people who interrupt my training and nap time, people who call me weird names, and assholes that try to stiff me on the bill." He shrugged in a non-committal manner "My hobbies include training and napping, and I don't really have any dreams, though I do have a goal."

He looked up, and for the first time Kakashi noted a serious light in the blonde's blue eyes, the Jounin's world seeming to freeze at how eerily similar the boy looked to his sire. "My goal is to be accepted by people for who I am and what I do," the blonde stated with a determination that could wear down mountains "rather than being perceived as someone else's mistake."

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Silence reigned on the rooftop, as the remaining members of team 7 gaped at Naruto in their own way.

Sakura was gazing at the blonde she'd been perpetually bad mouthing since their first days at the academy in wonder, clearly stunned into silence by the boy's clear-headed goals. By contrast, her own dreams of becoming a kunoichi to pursue Sasuke were undeniably shallow, though she'd never admit it aloud.

Sasuke didn't openly gape, but he DID cock an eyebrow at his blonde sparring partner/meal provider. The Uchiha had never really brought up the issue before, it being similar to the 'parent' line, but he'd noticed that the majority of the villagers, mostly the civilian populace, tended to give the blonde a wide berth at best, or openly disdained his presence at worst.

Of course, this only happened when Sasuke wasn't publicly seen with the blonde, during those times people would call out to the Uchiha and be all smiles and waves, but even an academy student could make out the pitiful killing intent they aimed at Naruto when they thought the boys weren't looking.

It was an enigma that Sasuke, quite frankly, deemed worthy of investigation, but every attempt to broach the subject was either outright ignored or subtly avoided. Clearly the adults knew something about his teammate that they weren't allowed to let on.

'Could his clan have disgraced themselves somehow?' he wondered offhandedly, frowning in thought. It wasn't that farfetched an idea, and it would explain why Naruto didn't like talking about his parents.

Kakashi on the other hand, was torn between admiration for the boy's levelheadedness and determination, and sadness that he believed people saw him as 'The Fourth's Mistake'. 'Well at least he's got his head on right.' The Jounin reasoned with a sigh, shaking his head wistfully as he stood up straighter, 'All in all a pretty well balanced team…for the times.'

"Alright," he muttered, shaking his head to clear it for the moment "Now that that's out of the way, our first official mission begins tomorrow." He pulled out three sheets of paper as he spoke "The details are written on these, memorize them."

"What exactly is our mission sensei?" Sakura asked, noticing that they were meeting up at a training field on the other side of town "And what does it mean here about Survival exercises?"

"Exactly that," Kakashi Eye-smiled cryptically "You three, and your graduating classmates, are going to sit through one last field exercise to determine whether you deserve your genin title." He smiled, watching in satisfaction as Sakura's face turned pale at the mention of 'field exercise', and with good reason. From her dossier, it was clear that the girl had the theory down pat, but her physical skills were outright abysmal when compared to some of the other graduates. In layman's terms, she was the runt of the litter.

"I'd advise you to get up nice and early to prepare." Kakashi warned them "This test has a 66% chance of failure, so put the time in to get your moves together." He eye-smiled "Also, I'd avoid eating before coming…you'll just puke it up."

And with that, he shunshin'd away, leaving behind a horrified looking Sakura, who was holding her sheet between trembling fingers, a determined looking Sasuke, and a…mildly interested Naruto, who was looking over the sheet with a raised eyebrow.

'Damn…so much kanji…' the blonde muttered to himself, sweatdropping at Kakashi's messy scrawl.

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Kakashi had just slipped into one of the few café's limited exclusively to shinobi of jounin rank, hoping to grab a quick coffee and sandwich before heading home, when Asuma and Kurenai, two of his fellow currently elected jounin sensei, sauntered in and sat down at his table without invitation. 'Rude'.

"Hey there Kakashi." Asuma greeted, the only surviving son of the sandaime, smiling at the masked jounin, one of his perpetual cancer sticks between his teeth, despite the café's strict 'You Smoke You Die' policy "So who'd you get saddled with?"

"Usual gang of misfits." The cycloptic jounin replied cryptically, recognizing the tactic immediately. Jounin were worse than fishwives when it came to gossip, and there was a running bet concerning Kakashi's streak of failing every team assigned to him regardless on talent, clan or competency.

"I heard you got Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto on your squad." Kurenai asked, a smile on her face at Kakashi's raised eyebrow "Think you can handle them?"

"Shouldn't be a problem." Kakashi eye-smiled, internally sniggering as the normally un-flappable Kurenai seemed to twitch slightly around the eyes "They seem pretty interesting this year."

"You say that EVERY year Kakashi." Asuma countered, shaking his head in bemusement, "And then my old man has to explain to their parents why their kids are afraid to go to the bathroom alone anymore…let alone the therapy to convince them to go OUTSIDE."

Kakashi's eye-smile grew a little more cheerful at that, and was about to retort when a flash of green spandex and shiny pearly whites popped into his field of vision. "AHAHA! KAKASHI!" the apparition greeted in a voice that was NOT meant to be used indoors, outdoors, or in civilized society in general "MY ETERNAL RIVAL! SO YOU HAVE DECIDEDLY TO TAKE ON ANOTHER YOUTHFUL TEAM HAVE YOU?"

"Oh, Gai, you were here?" Kakashi asked, smirking as he watched the Taijutsu specialist fume at his 'hip-modern attitude'. It always brought a smile to his face, watching the loudmouth simmer silently at being ignored.

"So, any idea who needs remedial training?" Asuma asked, pulling out a pack of cards and shuffling them, Gai pulling up a chair as the Sarutobi dealt out a hand "My group's pretty balanced, but then teamwork's always been the Ino-Shika-Cho's greatest strength. Once I get them motivated they should come together nicely."

"My group's a little better off." Kurenai admitted, looking over her hand and nodding for another card, her face a polite, professional mask as she spoke "Shino's a little quiet, but then when do Aburame make unnecessary noise?" she winced "Kiba, on the other hand…"

She didn't need to explain THAT one. The Inuzuka clan were known as the self-entitled 'party animals of Konoha'; it stood to reason the heir to such a clan would be a handful.

"And then there's Hinata." The Genjutsu specialist sighed, shaking her head and folding at her bad hand "I swear, when I see what that father of her did to her I really question the need to grant clan's the right to keep their affairs private."

Gai said nothing, but he nodded in understanding of the woman's dilemma. His own youthful student, Hyuuga Neji, Hinata's older cousin by one year, had suffered greatly as a result of his status as a member of the branch family of Hyuuga. Then there were the events pertaining to the death of the boy's father to consider.

Stopping that un-youthful train of thought in its tracks, the Taijutsu specialist merely grinned and slapped his hand on the table "Ha! Four Kings! Beat that Kakashi!"

"I fold." Kakashi called out, already halfway out the café door, Gai gaping after him in shock, before proceeding to pull his hair out in frustration.

"Is he really that much of a bastard?" Kurenai asked, looking over at Asuma for verification, only for the Sarutobi to smirk and flip over Kakashi's hand, revealing Four Aces and the Joker "Wow…I guess he is."

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"Na-chan! Na-chan!" Maru & Moro cheered, racing to greet the blonde as he entered the shop, looking as bored as ever "How was school? How was school?"

"Same as always." Naruto muttered, walking down the hallway to the shop whilst the girls danced around him like little sugar-powered satellites of perpetual cheeriness "The boss in?"

"But of course," Yoko called out, smiling at Naruto from within the main room, reclining on the elaborate chair whilst eating a slice of cake "Care to try some? It's Strawberry!"

"I'll pass…" Naruto muttered, eyeing the confectionary in distaste. He'd once been rather partial to sweets as a child, but after having so many rammed down his throat by an overzealous Yoko, he'd gone off them for life. Besides, too much sugar rotted the teeth, and a sugar rush would only impede his training.

"Oh poo…and I so wanted you to try some." Yoko sighed, pouting in a manner that would make weaker willed men question themselves, before beaming "Oh well, more for me!"

"Glutton." Naruto muttered, already carting away several crates of what he'd long ago deemed as 'junk', but Yoko insisted was treasure "You're gonna get cavities." He called out, only for Yoko to shove the whole slice in his mouth, purring at the taste, an adorable blush on his cheeks "Bleagh…"

Leaving his employer to his sugar-fest, the blonde probationary genin began his daily chores of sorting out the shop, separating the requests from the junk mail, and basically doing everything that needed to be done.

"Oh!" Yoko called out, catching the blonde's attention as he walked past, "By the way, I charged Sarutobi-dono for that bit of overtime you did…" he tossed the blonde a scroll "Here!"

Naruto blinked, catching the flying piece of parchment between his toes, earning a whopping '10!' from Maru & Moro on the sidelines, setting his burden down first before untying the scroll and looking it over. "Kage Bunshin no jutsu?" he repeated, looking the instructions over, along with several additional notes near the bottom in the Sandaime's elaborate hand "The hell?"

"I figured that you should add a few moves to your repertoire, since you'll be going out on missions now." Yoko commented, sipping at tea in a china cup with thirteen lumps of sugar "Though I expect you to carry out MY assignments with top priority."

"THAT goes without saying." Naruto muttered, glaring at the man and nodding at the scroll "What I DON"T get is what I'm supposed to do with another lame-ass Bunshin jutsu!"

"Kagebunshin is a unique brand of bunshin." Yoko countered cryptically, "The clones produced are exact physical copies of the original, down to skill and strength, though they tend to puff out of existence if you hit them hard enough."

"Not even good for sparring practice then." Naruto grumbled, snorting in disdain at the scroll, only to shiver as Yoko's mismatched eyes smiled at him.

"If you say so Naruto-kun…" the androgynous shopkeeper chuckled, smoke wafting around him from the incense burners "But then again, I doubt Sun Wukong would waste his time passing on a useless technique..."

'What the hell does the Monkey King have to do with any of this?' Naruto muttered, having heard the old tales from Iruka at the academy. It was rumored the simian sage was a patron deity of the Sarutobi family.

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Sarutobi Hiruzen looked up with confusion as the summoning scroll he kept on the wall of his private chambers rattled, his eyes furrowing in suspicion. He could have sworn he heard several loud sneezes coming from the thing.

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And that's it for now!

Sorry, no Santouryuu action this time round, but that'll change next chapter!

Some of you may have noticed that Sasuke isn't as much an anally retarded bastard in this fic, I figured I'd give a go at writing one where the Uchiha DOESN'T have his head shoved up his ass.

And yes, Kakashi really is that much of a bastard. You've seen how he sweet talked Tenzou/Yamato into paying for ramen, right? Not to mention the whole 'second mask' thing he pulled in episode 101.

And yes, Sun Wukong, otherwise known as Son Goku, the Sage of Heaven and Earth etc, DID know the Kage Bunshin jutsu, though I doubt he used that name and performed it the same way. I think he used his hair or something.

As for why Yoko would mention it...well he's a bastard isn't he?

R&R!!

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

Holy crap this one's alive.

In any case, kudos once again to Nero Sparda. Give credit where it is due or be Devil Bringer-junk punched.

Trust me, not as funny to be on the receiving end of THAT.

Sanctus: *helium voice* Tell me about it.

* * *

Chapter 3: Bell Test.

Before the first birds had even thought of cracking their eyes open, Sasuke turned up at the designated training grounds for Kakashi's survival exercise, hands in his pockets, his eyes narrowed in thought as he kept an eye out for potential ambushers. This was, after all, a jounin they were going up against, and professional shinobi always tried to limit the amount of opponents before going into battle.

But there seemed to be no traps or attempts at sabotage set up to greet him. Instead, the sight of Uzumaki Naruto lying asleep under a tree, apparently having gotten here ahead of him, greeted the Uchiha as he entered the clearing.

"Yo." The blonde muttered, rubbing his eyes and yawning after nearly breaking Sasuke's leg for kicking him awake, the Uchiha barely stepping out of range in time "You're early."

"Says the pot." Sasuke retorted, slouching next to the blonde, his back to the tree, only to blink as Naruto held up a bento box, an empty one lying next to the blonde "We were told not to eat."

"You do everything you're told?" Naruto shot back, a mocking lilt to his lazy voice, to which Sasuke snorted, before grabbing the offered bento and digging into his breakfast with reserved gusto.

"No omelets?" the Uchiha asked, pausing in his feasting to eyeball his teammate, who merely glared beadily up at him from beneath half-lidded eyes.

"Fuck you, I'm not your personal chef." Naruto muttered, snorting and closing his eyes to resume his nap, arms cushioning his head as he grunted, "Besides…I ran outta eggs."

Sasuke scoffed, washing down a mouthful of perfectly prepared rice with warm miso soup, even as a haggard looking Sakura showed up, her expression changing from sickly exhaustion to ecstatic at the sight of her beloved.

"Ohayo! Sasuke-kun!" the girl greeted, jogging up to the tree with a wave, only to blink as she noticed Naruto lying there as well "Um…Morning, Naruto…"

Naruto cracked an eye open at the greeting, looking the nervous, pinkette over carefully, before grunting out a gruff, but polite 'Mornin', and going back to sleep.

Exhaling slightly, her good deed apparently done for the day, Sakura turned her attention back to Sasuke, only to blink as she espied him finishing off his breakfast "S-Sasuke-kun!" she whispered, looking around fearfully for hidden spies "Kakashi-sensei said we shouldn't eat!"

"No…he ADVISED us not to." Sasuke countered, washing down another mouthful with soup "There's a difference, he probably expected us to come here half starved and is watching us as we speak."

Sakura flushed, marveling at how the Uchiha seemed to have guessed everything from the get go, only to blink as she noticed the bento he was eating. 'CHAA! That looks tasty!' her inner voice praised, mouth watering at the sight of the beautifully prepared rice. Unbidden, her stomach started to grumble, the girl flushing and looking away, only to blink as Sasuke held up his bento to her face.

"Eat." The Uchiha ordered, looking the girl in the eyes as he spoke, almost causing her to faint on the spot "You're no good to us if you pass out from hunger."

Sakura's world turned pink and filled with flowers, harps playing around her as she accepted the box from the Uchiha, her mouth melting as she used the chopsticks 'INDIRECT KISS! CHA-!' to shovel up the rest of the rice. "MM! Sasuke-kun! You're an excellent cook!" the girl praised, her heart fluttering as she swallowed bite after glorious bite 'Handsome, talented, and a chef! Beat that Ino Pig!'

"Naruto made it." Sasuke stated offhandedly, causing the harp strings to snap and Sakura to freeze as if turned to stone "Hurry up and finish, we can't take the chance that he was serious about not eating."

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Indeed, Kakashi WAS watching over the little horrors like a perverted guardian angel in a facemask. He'd actually been there the entire time, wanting to see just how the trio prepped themselves for a mission.

Thus far it seemed his assumptions had been correct. Sakura would follow Sasuke's orders blindly, but had a good enough head on her shoulders to think for herself. Sasuke had good instincts and was a natural born leader, probably that Uchiha upbringing he'd gone through. And then there was Naruto, the enigmatic blonde who was nonetheless the lynchpin that, somehow, managed to keep the little cell together.

He'd watched the blonde arrive early, a box of bento under one arm, which he sat down under the tree before going into a series of stretches and squats, limbering up like you did during the academy training spars. The blonde had then promptly gone to sleep under the tree, which had been quite the letdown, as Kakashi had wanted to see just what the boy constituted as a warm-up. He had to admit the three swords hanging off his waist were of interest too.

Still, it didn't look like they were going to do anything any time soon, maybe he had time to visit the memorial…and the bookstore…and the video store…and the bookies…

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Yuuhi Kurenai shivered, a scowl coming to her feature as she watched her team scurry around trying to find her. She, like the rest of the jounin sensei currently testing the crop, had already begun the test on time, but had a sneaking suspicion that a certain Cyclops was, as usual, meandering along at his own pace, deliberately keeping everyone waiting as he procrastinated.

'Jounin or not, the man needs to learn how to keep time better.' She muttered to herself, watching as Kiba ran smack dab into an oak, the Genjutsu she'd placed over the area having deprived the teen of most of his senses save for smell. She'd placed similar jutsu on the rest of the team, leaving Shino to rely on his ears and Hinata her eyes, forcing the trio to utilize their strengths early on to locate her.

Not that she was going to make it easy, as she'd chosen an area rich with aromatic grasses, nectar rich sap, and dense, chakra laden forest, a nightmare for those that tracked people with enhanced senses.

It didn't help that she was watching them from the comfort of a hilltop cabin through a pair of binoculars, almost a mile from the actual test site. But then what was a tracking cell if they couldn't follow her trail?

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Several hours later, the sun having cleared the tree lines long ago, and Kakashi finally sauntered back to the training field, only to find all three genin resting under the tree, Sakura with her head on Sasuke's shoulder, drooling on his shirt, and Naruto, much to Kakashi's amusement, with his head placed in the Uchiha's lap. Said Uchiha, who was looking positively murderous, glared at the cycloptic jounin with a heat that was ALMOST worthy of a Sharingan activation…Kakashi could've sworn he saw a flash of red for an instant too.

"Yo!" he called out jovially, eye-smiling at the group, which only seemed to add fuel to Sasuke's ire, Sakura snapping awake with a distinctly un-ladylike snort and Naruto cracking an eye open lazily, "You all look comfortable, mind if I join you?"

The response was a shriek from Sakura, who promptly began apologizing to Sasuke and admonishing Naruto for putting his head in the Uchiha's lap (secretly wishing SHE'D beaten him to it), a MURDEROUS glare from Sasuke, who ignored the kunoichi in favor of standing up, depositing Naruto's head onto a tree-root, and a round of curses from the blonde in question, who sat up as if struck by ice water, holding his head and cursing a blue streak that even turned Kakashi's ears red.

'Definitely inherited Kushina's mouth.' The jounin winced, recalling the late Yondaime's wife with…strained memories. Shrugging the memories aside he beamed at them, before walking over to a stump and pulling out a clock and two bells. "Right, this clock is set till noon, you have until then to get one of these bells from me." He jingled the bells for emphasis "Get one and you pass, fail and you, well, fail."

"But sensei!" Sakura pointed out, hand raised in the air like a good girl again, proving once more that old, ingrained habits were indeed the hardest to break "There's only two!"

"Indeed there are!" Kakashi beamed, tucking them into his belt "So if you want to pass, you'd better come at me with intent to kill." He smiled as the group started slightly at that, Sakura tensing nervously while Sasuke and Naruto narrowed their eyes and loosened their shoulders in readiness "That said…GO!"

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They split up, Sakura and Sasuke making for their respective hiding spots while Naruto…stood there rubbing the back of his neck. "Um…Naruto-kun?" Kakashi called out, wondering of the blonde had heard him right "I said you could start."

"Yeah I know…" Naruto muttered, popping his shoulders "It's just…well if only two of us can pass…doesn't that mean the third one shouldn't even bother?" he shrugged "I mean, what's the point of going all out if someone else has to be dropped so you can continue?"

'Compassionate little bastard aren't you?' Kakashi noted with approval, eye smiling at the blonde, his hands in his pockets 'Your father'd be proud of you.'

"Maybe so." He said aloud, titling his head to the side "But then again, life is hardly ever fair to begin with. It's a dog eat dog world out there, especially for shinobi."

"Survival of the fittest, yeah I get that." Naruto muttered shaking his head "Y'see, thing is, I didn't really earn my headband like Haruno and the teme did." He smirked as Sakura's shriek gave her position away "Saru-jiji just threw it in as a bonus for helping get that overgrown toilet roll of his back from Mizuki-teme."

'Definitely Kushina's son.' Kakashi corrected with a deadpan expression 'Only she'd have the stones to show such a complete lack of respect for Sandaime-sama or the scroll of seals, let alone both in the same sentence.'

"So thing is," Naruto concluded, thumbing at himself "if someone's gotta be dropped, then it should be me." He smirked at Kakashi's dumbstruck expression "After all, teme and Haruno busted their balls getting here…and to tell the truth, I see the whole shinobi thing as just a part-time gig anyways."

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Secluded in the bushes, the rest of team seven gaped at their blonde comrade in shock, having heard every word of his speech with the equally startled Kakashi.

Sasuke honestly couldn't imagine himself putting himself on the line like that, especially not for people that weren't family. Hell he couldn't imagine throwing away his chance for power PERIOD.

But he didn't like the idea of continuing on without Naruto, for some reason the idea of continuing into the shinobi world without his unusual sparring partner just seemed…WRONG to the Uchiha. It was like leaving a piece of himself behind, an annoying, but necessary piece of luggage that had stuck with him through thick and thin.

That…and he didn't think he could manage without the blonde bringing him a bento lunch every day. Instant food and takeout was all well and good, but until he came of age the Uchiha clan's accounts were officially untouchable…and his allowance didn't stretch enough to be able to afford such binging.

Sakura, on the other hand, was once again rewriting her already altered opinion of her blonde teammate, her eyes wide and her hands pressed to her mouth as the long-time bane of her attempts to hook up with Sasuke basically implied he was willing to be demoted to ensure she kept her hard earned place on the team.

Ever since the meeting on the academy roof, Sakura had felt like the weakest link of the team, her shallow goals for becoming a kunoichi in the first place, plus lack of any real skills outside an advanced mastery (for a student) of Genjutsu and traps, had forced her to take a good long look in her mirror upon reaching home, not liking what she'd seen.

That…and she was secretly hoping to ask the blonde to give her some cooking tips. Her mother had all but banned her from the kitchen after her last attempt, and if she wanted any chance at convincing Sasuke they were meant to be, she needed to prove she could cook the things he liked without burning down the house, and surrounding block, in the process.

Kakashi, while all this was going on, was experiencing, for the first time since Obito passed away, a complete lack of coherent thought as he gaped at the only son of his master.

It was incomprehensible. Never, in the history of the Sandaime's illustrious bell test, had anyone actually forfeited their chance at becoming a shinobi. Even the prodigal Sannin had come damn close to failing after Tsunade had tried to convince the Sandaime to leave Jiraiya strapped to the log for failing, only for Orochimaru, surprisingly enough, to place his own bell in the belligerent genin's hands, only saying that Sarutobi hadn't said what they should do with the bells once getting them when asked why he'd done so.

'He really has grown up well.' Kakashi noted with approval, honestly willing to pass the three of them right there, to hell with protocol, but fought it down with years of professionalism and the knowledge that Obito would be mocking him for growing soft from beyond the grave "Still…his view on the position of Shinobi is rather screwed…' he noted 'doesn't he know this is a full time gig?'

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"So if that's it, I'll just be heading back." Naruto called out, snapping all three out of their daze as he turned on his heel, walking away from the field "See ya round teme, I'll try to drop off a bento for ya in the mornings." He smirked "Try not to let Haruno jump you in yer sleep though."

Kakashi chuckled as Sakura's indignant squawk echoed around the clearing for the third time before stepping forwards, appearing beside the blonde via shunshin, and halting him in his tracks with a hand on his shoulder "You'd make one hell of a poker player kid." The jounin chuckled, eye smiling at the blonde, who merely cocked an eyebrow at him "I have to admit, I never expected anyone to call my bluff." He smiled "That said, if all THREE of you don't try to grab the bells, then all three of you fail."

Naruto blinked at that, before sighing and rubbing his neck in exasperation "Yare-yare…the old 'one fer all n' all fer one' deal right?" he scoffed "Man…Saru-jiji really knows how to stack a deck."

Stepping back, the blonde reached down and undid his Hitai-ate, Kakashi watching with interest as he tied it around his head, the cloth completely covering his hair like a bandana, as a sinister smirk came to his face as he pulled his goggles down.

"Still…I was kinda hoping I'd get some exercise in today." Naruto smirked, drawing his swords; all three of them, holding the white one up to his mouth "Hope you don't regret this…Kaka-sensei."

Kakashi blinked, watching as the blonde placed the, strangely familiar, white blade between his teeth, holding the other two in each hand as he crossed his arms before him.

"C'mon Sensei…" the blonde called out, somehow able to speak clearly despite holding a katana between his teeth "Lessee how my Santouryuu fairs against a jounin!"

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'Santouryuu?' Sasuke repeated, looking over at his sparring partner in confusion. He'd never heard of such a ludicrous style, sure he'd seen shinobi use their teeth to hold wire and kunai, leaving their hands free for seals, but katana were notoriously difficult to wield without training, and last he checked the mouth wasn't as flexible as a hand.

The same thought was racing through Kakashi's mind, the jounin wondering if he might have overestimated the blonde a tad. That ended as Naruto rushed forwards with a speed that surprised Kakashi, the Jounin actually having to whip out a pair of Kunai to ward off the assault.

'Amazing!' he marveled, his sole eye widening slightly in appreciation 'He made me use both hands from the get go!' he backpedalled easily, keeping out of range of the strikes with the ease of practice 'And this strength! Someone's been taking their weight lifting seriously!'

That said, he'd never live it down if Gai found out he'd let a GENIN, even if it was Sensei's brat, set the pace of a match, and so a quick Kagebunshin-Kawarimi combo later, the jounin found himself perched in a tree above an awestruck Sakura, watching the battle from the outside.

"You're open!" Naruto jeered, smacking the clone's arms apart and crossing his own, a glint appearing in his eyes as he rushed forwards "ONI GIRI!"

Kakashi winced as his clone tried to block using it's arms, only for the blonde's blades to slash through them, cutting diagonally into the body whilst the blade in his teeth cut him horizontally across the torso, blood spraying from the wounds from the impact, just before the clone dissipated.

'Unorthodox…but highly effective.' He noted, watching as Naruto gaped at the spot the clone had vacated in confusion 'He's strong too…almost chunnin level really, clearly he's been getting special training somewhere.'

Putting that aside for the moment, Kakashi decided to see how the rest of the team measured up to his expectations, starting with the stunned Sakura below, only to find the girl had already moved to another position.

'Well now…let the chase begin.'

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"Kakashi's late…"Asuma noted, looking up at the clock mounted on the wall of what was commonly refered to as the 'Jounin Lounge' with a frown on his usually laid-back face.

"Since when is that news?" Kurenai asked, the fact she was new to the rank meaning nothing, since Kakashi's tardiness was the talk of coffee room legends.

"Normally I'd agree." Asuma chuckled, smirking at the Genjutsu specialist, causing her to flush "But you see, Kakashi NEVER takes it easy on his team…he usually causes them to crack within five minutes of the test…hell he actually managed to fail one group within ten SECONDS."

Kurenai blinked at that, the image of a demonic, pitchfork wielding Kakashi looming over a mountain of genin bodies entering her mind, his perverted giggling filled with a darker, more sinister tone as he read his book.

"Yeah…" Asuma agreed as she shuddered "The guy's turned failing the brats into an art form, sure he pissess off a lot of folks doing it, but fact is that he's one of the best judges of character out there…and most of the brats assigned to him are either problem cases or stuck up pricks that need a little dose of reality."

"So if he's taking this long to come back…" Kurenai muttered, a serious frown coming over her features as Asuma nodded conspiratorially, his own face a mask of intrigue.

"Then he's either enjoying himself a bit TOO much…" the Sarutobi scion guessed "Or he's got his hands full with those three."

They sat in silence for a few seconds, before promptly bursting out laughing at the mere thought of Hatake Kakashi actually struggling against three genin fresh out of the academy.

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Several hours later, during which the genin and Kakashi played a rather violent game of 'keep-away', and the Jounin had gotten a pretty decent viewpoint of their overall skills.

Naruto was definitely an 'in your face' fighter, the type that charged in headfirst regardless of his own safety, but usually the type that provided support for the team, the muscle if you were.

Sakura, by contrast, preferred to keep on the move, rigging the area with traps and utilizing her grasp of the basic academy jutsu to their fullest. On the battlefield, she'd be a perfect spotter, keeping an eye out for traps and the like, whilst setting up secure base points for them to recover in, the brain if you were.

And Sasuke, well he was balanced between the two, a close range fighter with mid-range tendencies, and an impressive chakra reservoir, seeing as he could pull off the B-rank Goukakyuu, which last Kakashi checked signified an Uchiha's coming of age in that clan's hierarchy. Even Itachi hadn't pulled the damn thing off until he'd graduated the academy, but apparently Sasuke had managed it just before the massacre.

Alone the three were barely adequate in their own way, but at some point, Sasuke and Naruto had teamed up, Naruto attacking Kakashi directly while Sasuke tried to ambush him, and vice-versa. Eventually, Sakura had gotten in on the action, throwing a few basic Genjutsu into the mix to throw off Kakashi's concentration slightly. Naruto actually owed a nick he'd landed on the Jounin's mask to the girl's aid.

"USHI BARI!" Naruto roared, charging at Kakashi with his two swords held like horns next to his skull. The Jounin sidestepped nimbly, only to walk into a double shuriken barrage from Sakura and Sasuke, the latter of which was coming up from the rear, his eyes fixed on the bells dangling from Kakashi's waist.

A quick Kawarimi put an end to the problem, or so the Jounin thought, for Naruto was on him like an Akimichi at a yakiniku buffet the minute the smoke cleared, forcing him back out of the woods, a manic leer on his face.

"Gonna have to do better than that Sensei!" the genin mocked, slashing away like a demented spinning top as Kakashi dodged and parried the strikes with his Kunai.

"Really?" Kakashi called out, leaning against a tree reading his book while he watched Naruto battle his clone "I personally don't feel the need to exert myself that much."

Naruto's curse at being duped with the clone for the umpteenth time didn't quite make up for the fact that Kakashi was running a bit low on chakra. Kagebunshin wasn't something even jounin could throw around willy-nilly, and he'd already wasted four or five of the things distracting Naruto and Sasuke while he caught his breath and re-evaluated the situation. As it were, he could probably muster enough chakra for a Raikiri or two, but then that'd be it.

Not that he intended on pulling out his personal assassination jutsu, no sir, that wouldn't look to good on his resume as the Hokage grilled his ass for taking things too far. That, and the fact he'd never live down the fact that three genin had warranted him pulling out his one hit kill technique.

"It looks like playtime's over.' He deduced, noting the suns position, they had about ten minutes left till noon, and shoving his book into his pocket with a sigh 'Ah well, they've had their fun…my turn now.'

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Naruto was just about to descend on Kakashi, his blades held over head, when the jounin swooped in from the side, delivering a kick to the ribs that knocked the wind out of the blonde's sails, sending him crashing into the nearby lake. Sasuke spun, concern for the blonde overriding his instincts, which cost him as Kakashi promptly buried the Uchiha up to his neck in the dirt, leaving him thrashing there, spouting expletives.

That just left Sakura, who he noted had holed herself up in a small, almost unnoticeable cave, rigging the area with enough traps he'd have come out looking like a pin cushion were it not for the fact he, and anyone else that had served time in ANBU, ate booby-traps for breakfast.

A quick, nightmare inducing Genjutsu, and the girl was out like a light, Kakashi depositing her next to a seething Sasuke, even as he turned his attention to the lake, ready to fish Naruto out before he drowned. He honestly wasn't expecting FOUR Naruto's to lunge at him from amidst fields of smoke, the clones having apparently disguised themselves as rocks the entire time. He didn't even have time to wonder how a genin had learned the kage bunshin jutsu before they struck, only his advanced Taijutsu skills keeping him from getting perforated by the horde's blades, sharp, rapid blows to the throats, midriffs and groins dispelling the clones, even as the original descended from on high like some vengeful wraith.

"KARASUMA GARI!" the blonde snarled, soaked from his impromptu bath and out for blood, multiple slashes raining down on Kakashi like steel hail, the jounin slipping beneath the surface again to avoid the assault, though he lost a few strands of hair before he got away.

'Tenacious little bugger aren't you.' He muttered, smiling in approval as he watched Naruto glare around the clearing, like a bull in a red-china shop 'You'd make your mother proud…Jiraiya-sama too for that matter, he was apparently as mule headed as you are back in the day.'

That said, it was time he brought this little game to a close, which is why as Naruto whirled round looking for him, he slammed face first into Kakashi's fist. The teen stumbled backwards from the force of the blow, only to receive a gentle, almost unnoticeable, chop to the neck from the jounin, who watched him keel over unconscious with that damnable eye-smile seemingly etched onto his face as the world went black.

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"Well aren't you a sorry bunch." Kakashi noted, tucking into the boxed lunch he'd brought with him as the trio glared at him (Sasuke & Naruto) or sulked pitiably (Sakura) from their spot on the training logs, Kakashi having trussed them to them like witches at the stake "You didn't even manage to last till the bell…let alone grab one of your own."

"Yeah, yeah laugh it up Cyclops." Naruto muttered, glaring at the jounin as he struggled against the ropes. Kakashi had actually used a tighter binding to hold the brat down, out of deference to his strength "Last I checked we had you on the ropes all day."

"True…" Kakashi conceded with an eye-smile, his face hidden behind the bento box as he continued to chew "But then I wasn't going all out either, if I had, Sandaime-sama would've been VERY displeased…and then they'd be burying what was left of the four of us in a matchbox."

The trio shivered a bit at this, the dark image made all the more unnerving by the seemingly jovial tone in Kakashi's voice, as if he actually wouldn't mind being cremated if he accidently wiped them out. Standard psychological warfare 101.

"That said," the jounin continued, finishing the bento off and pulling up his mask before they got a good look at him "I've finally worked out a proper first impression of you all…your strengths, skills, or lack thereof, and how you used them to your advantage, and I have to say, of the countless teams I've failed over the years…"

Sakura's breath hitched, her eyes widening in distraught horror as tears formed in their emerald depths. Sasuke glared at the jounin, his struggles renewing with interest as he tired to bust out of the knots, which CLEARLY hadn't been explained in the academy escape lessons. Naruto, believe it or not, was the only one not showing any outward emotion…except a sudden steely glint in his blue eyes that reminded Kakashi of the time Minato-sensei had caught some assholes trying to molest Rin.

"I'm glad I decided to pass you guys." Kakashi finished, eye smiling at the group as they gaped at him, chuckling and patting himself on the back at how he'd easily managed to screw with their fragile little minds. It was almost cathartic really, watching their eyes dim as their brains shut down and rebooted, the dawning realization that they WEREN'T heading back to the academy in shame spreading across their faces, right up until Sakura's cheers of victory filled the clearing.

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'I really need to remember to bring my earplugs with me more often.' The Jounin muttered as he walked back home, not envying Sasuke, who had been the closest to the vocal blast-zone. The Uchiha had to be carried home over Naruto's shoulder, his inner ear unsettled from the sheer force of their teammate's shriek. 'S'not like I can't read lips to see what they want…and it'd be nice to see how they react to the 'Gai-treatment.'

To this day, Maito Gai had never figured out that the reason Kakashi acted like he wasn't there was because the Jounin always wore extra-strength earplugs if he suspected the Taijutsu specialist was in the area. And being the master of lip-reading that he was, Kakashi could carry on whole conversations with people without having to hear a blessed word.

'Come to think of it…' the Jounin muttered, espying a certain red-eyed Genjutsu-specialist walking past with her team and recalling a few other instances where he'd been forced to endure unwanted tongue-lashings 'Maybe I should never take them out except for missions…'

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"So you passed." Yoko asked, smiling enigmatically as Naruto served him almond cake with Ceylon tea, the Blonde muttering under his breath about 'not being your goddamned maid Goddammit!'

"Yeah…" Naruto muttered, pouring the tea and then setting the steaming pot within reach of his employer "Guess that means I won't be around as much."

"Now who said that?" Yoko asked, sipping the tea with a smile, even as Maru & Moro sat in a corner with an old book, something about a 'Gutsy Ninja', reading aloud in tandem "Don't you know that most teams start off handling civilian requests?"

"Yeah? So?" Naruto muttered, only to shiver as Yoko's eyes glowed in the darkness of the room, incense smoke and the smell of dust and old paper filling the air.

"Ah Na-chan…" the shop owner sighed, Naruto too en-awed by the feeling of the man's aura to react to the nickname "Surely you haven't forgotten…that not all the residents of your hometown are…strictly human?"

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Across Konoha, Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura shivered in the middle of their respective nightly activities, Kakashi nearly dropping his precious Icha-Icha book into the bathtub, Sasuke nearly swallowing his own Katon-jutsu, resulting in a sore throat that would stick with him for days, and Sakura burning through her mother's new saucepan, despite the fact there was nothing in the pot but water.

The Stove hadn't even been turned on either.

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And that's the latest chapter out.

Dunno how long I'll run with this, probably as far as the chunin exams, since Sasuke isn't likely to run off with Pedo-maru in this one.

Either way, there will be more.

But just in case, Reviews plz!

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

Give credit to Nero Sparda, the father of this brainchild.

I am merely the man that delivered it, kicking and swearing, into this world.

* * *

Chapter 4: Mission

"Can someone…" Sakura asked, her eyebrow twitching spasmodically as she spoke, the sound of a kettle boiling in the background "Please explain…WHY THE HELL WE KEEP GETTING THESE WEIRD MISSIONS?!"

Team seven, with the exception of Kakashi, who was sporting his Gai-proof earplugs, winced at the kunoichi's shriek, but continued on their way back from completing a mission to shower salt over a rather rural part of the village that was set to be renovated into living quarters.

It had been several weeks since the conclusion of team seven's bell test, the passing of which had resulted in several people proclaiming the end was nigh, and making a certain, scarred Academy Chunin stinking rich.

At first, things had been a little rough, what with numerous complaints being made regarding Naruto's graduation & acceptance to a team that included the village golden boy, but these were soon put to rest by the assurance that Hatake Kakashi was watching over him. That was the official excuse anyways, the real reason the complaints stopped was the Sandaime threatening to demonstrate the finer points of Katon jutsu to anyone that even thought of adding to the paperwork already swamping his desk.

However, while the team no longer feared having protestors interfere with their missions, that didn't exactly change the fact that said missions were…not the norm.

For example, delivering an empty bird-cage to an antiques shop owner at midnight, during which they were ordered to play a rather competitive game of shiritori, something Sakura seemingly excelled at, even giving Kakashi a run for his money. Another involved playing mahjong under a cherry tree, which turned into a joint mission with Asuma's Team 10 when the chain-smoking jounin learned of it.

'That Shikamaru kid's something else.' Kakashi marveled, recalling the amount of times the supposed dead-last of the academy had assembled the winning hand 'Though who'd have suspected Sasuke to be good at the game either?'

That said, after finishing the task assigned and picking up another later that same day, the jounin just couldn't see the point of their current mission, which involved nothing more than escorting a certain cat, namely the Fire Daimyo's wife's cat tora, around the village like he was some foreign dignitary. The meant buying it snacks, standing around it if it decided to take a dump, and generally see to it that the little fleabag was kept 'happy', all the while making sure he didn't run away.

Fortunately for Kakashi's sanity, the cat had seemingly taken a liking to Naruto, and was perched on his shoulder, the blonde seemingly conversing with the sadistic bundle of fur, claws, teeth and spite without qualm, as if the fleabag could understand him.

But then again, Kakashi wouldn't have been surprised if it could; even if the little blighter lacked the telltale developed chakra signature of a nin-cat, he had nonetheless managed to escape the daimyo's palace a record number of 300 times in as many days, giving even trained chunin the slip, often leaving them with painful scratches that took weeks to heal.

Sakura's arms and most of her face bore prime examples of Tora's wrath, and Sasuke had received a nasty nip on the finger when he'd pointed at the beast 'disrespectfully', as Naruto had so eloquently put it. Thus far, only Kakashi and Naruto had remained unscathed, and the jounin was quite happy to remain as such, thank you very much.

'Though why Naruto keeps talking to the thing like it's a girl I'll never know…' the jounin muttered, shrugging his shoulder and pulling out his beloved porn. At the very least these 'weird-ass' missions, as Sakura put them, allowed him to catch up on his reading.

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"So this Ichiraku Ramen is supposed to be the best in town?" Tora asked, perched on Naruto's shoulder with cat-like, pun intended, grace.

Now normally this wouldn't have drawn a spare glance, as cats had a habit of perching wherever they damn well pleased, especially in shinobi villages. It wasn't that uncommon for a shinobi to close his eyes for a few seconds, only to find up to ten of them plastering themselves all over him.

But then normal wasn't the word you used when a person walked past with a teenaged girl with orange striped hair and cat ears on their shoulder…not that anyone other than Naruto could see Tora's true form.

"You better believe it!" Naruto insisted, grinning at the girl, seemingly not concerned with her weight, which really wasn't much more than that of a cat to be honest "Pork, Chicken, Fish, Beef, you name it, old man Ichiraku can make it!"

"Sounds interesting." Tora admitted, licking her lips at the mention of the fish,fangs glinting in the sunlight as she smirked "But I still prefer Udon, and there's a vendor here that makes the best around."

"What street's he on?" Naruto asked, only to blink as the nekomusume, for indeed, that was what she was, smirked at him with that superior, 'holier than thou' look only a cat could pull off so well. "Yare-yare…he's one of THOSE right?"

"Oh I think you two would get along well enough…" Tora countered, smirking at him coyly, in that manner that only cats can pull off effectively "Just make for the main plaza at midnight and he's usually there."

"Mendokuse…" Naruto muttered "I'm usually dead by then…not literally." He added the last at her cocked eyebrow "But with my boss' jobs and missions every day I'm dead to the world as soon as I hit my pillow."

"What, with your stamina?" the feline purred, earning an annoyed glare from the blonde jinchuuriki, much to her amusement "Yare-Yare, you're no fun."

"Baka-Neko…" Naruto muttered, receiving a swat to the ear for his trouble, though Tora hadn't seen the need to use her claws. So all in all, a rather tame mission for the team that, at the moment, was factoring in at least ten a day, all of which netted them slightly above average pay, considering they were D-rank.

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"Well now…" Sarutobi chuckled, wincing at the sight of the multitude of scars that lined Sakura's seething face, the pinkette glaring at the Fire Daimyo's wife as the woman carried her, oddly content, looking pet away. For a moment, he could've sworn the cat had flipped one of its claws at the girl, but it was probably just old age acting up.

Before him stood Team 7, back from yet another successfully completed mission, their tenth one today in fact. While Sakura was looking a little ragged, a concerned Iruka offering her some bandages and iodine for the scratches, Sasuke merely contrived to look bored, albeit professionally so. Naruto, as always, looked half-way between bored out of his skull and sleeping on his feet, covering up a yawn that made his jaw pop audibly, whilst Kakashi was standing at the rear, his usual half-assed slouch belying the alertness of his half-shut eye.

"I'm rather impressed with your cell Kakashi," The sandaime admitted jovially, removing his pipe as Iruka returned to his seat "in such a short amount of time you've completed no less than thirty D-rank missions…that's three times as much as the other cells."

Kakashi gave no outward show of emotion, his posture and expression his usual lazy slouch, but on the inside he was already imagining Kurenai's irate expression at being outdone. Behind his mask, a rather wide smile was threatening to rip the jounin's face in half.

"Erm…yes…" Sarutobi muttered, years of experience allowing him to make out Kakashi's expression under the absurd piece of cloth, turning his eyes away hurriedly, as the smile was becoming decidedly wolfish in quality "As such, you have the choice regarding your next assignment:" he held up two sheets of paper for them to see "The first, includes a list of five more D-rank missions, including washing out a shrine, hosing down the Uchiha district," He winced at Sasuke's nigh imperceptible flinch "Delivering a mirror from an antique store to it's new owner." At this, Naruto gave a slight flinch, his eyes snapping slightly more awake "Helping a bride to be with cooking lessons." Sakura seemed to flick her eyes towards Naruto for a second, "And helping out at the academy."

"What's the other choice, Sandaime-sama?" Sasuke asked, earning an approving nod from several chunin in the room for his attitude, which was years apart from a certain blonde's informality. Said blonde would simply ignore those that accosted him for his familiarity with the Hokage, or yell at them to 'Shut the hell up unless life as a eunuch's your idea of fun!'

Normally such threats from a genin would be laughable, but this was the same genin that could give his ANBU truancy officers the slip, and had reportedly defeated an academy chunin with kenjutsu he'd come up by himself. Then there was the fact he had the Kyuubi in his gut. Yeah…definitely not risking their pickles an eggs against that.

"The second option is that I offer you one C-rank mission." He sighed as Iruka started at this. Really, they'd already made the perquisites, and Kakashi was hardly going to let them run around unsupervised.

"C-rank?" Naruto repeated, quirking an eyebrow in interest, a motion shared by Sasuke, while Sakura blinked in confusion "Ain't that a bit early Saru-ji? I mean we've only been at this a month a best."

"True…" Sarutobi allotted, the standard perquisite was at least half a year before letting genin try out for a C-rank of minimum risk "But you've all handled yourselves expertly over the past month, and quite frankly your work record more than enables you to handle this assignment."

"I dunno…" Sakura muttered, teetering between the excitement of their first C-rank, which normally took place outside the village walls, and a sudden interest in staying within those walls, even if it meant more weird-ass D-ranks for a while. That, and the 'cooking lessons' job could give her a chance to pick up some tips from Naruto.

"Can't we do both?" Naruto asked, earning a blink of confusion from the assembled officials "I mean a C-rank needs preparation time right? No way we can head off half-way into the day like this."

Several chunin blinked at that, namely because it made a hell of a lot of sense. Even C-ranks weren't 100% certain; it only took happening across a spy or bunch of rogue bandits to escalate from C-rank to B-rank after all.

"So here's the idea." Naruto suggested, "We divide the D-ranks between us and get them outta the way first." He smirked "Then we head home, get a good night's sleep and prep for the C-rank tomorrow when we're fresh."

"Not a bad idea, dobe…" Sasuke snorted, grunting as Naruto punched him in the shoulder lightly, or at least light enough it wouldn't bruise come the morning.

"Bite me teme." Naruto shot back, smirking wryly to show he didn't really take offence to the title, but had taken the free shot anyways.

"Well I can hardly refute with that logic." Sarutobi chuckled, looking up at Kakashi and holding out the papers "Again, I'm impressed with your work Kakashi, expect a little bonus this week."

Kakashi, who had been unable to hear Naruto's words thanks to his earplugs, was more than a little confused by what the Sandaime was so pleased about. But it didn't matter either way, he still got the bonus after all.

'Hmm…escort a bridge builder back to his home in Nami n kuni…' he read, handing off the list of D-ranks to his students to sort out 'Maa…doesn't sound too difficult.'

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In a hideout secluded in the middle of the woods, a certain kirigakure no kijin sneezed, prompting an amused chuckle from his partner as he was forced to undo his bandages to wipe his running nose.

"Fucking hay-fever…"

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"A C-rank already?" Yoko asked, quirking an eyebrow coyly as he tucked into his fondant au chocolat with cream "How unusual."

"You're partially to blame you know." Naruto muttered flatly, Maru & Moro dancing around singing 'C-rank! C-rank! Crank it up to B-rank!' with their usual innocence "It's because of all those assignments you keep sending in for us."

"Well it's hardly my fault you can REQUEST which team you want to complete a specific task." Yoko shot back with a pout, his spoon covering his lips "After all, the council never said it HAD to be chunin teams and up that were selected."

"You're twisted…" Naruto muttered with a deadpan expression, his eyebrow ticking erratically as Yoko merely chuckled in that effeminate, gender-confusing manner of his and resumed eating his cake.

"Perhaps…" the store owner allotted, smiling coyly at the youth in a manner that had made him blush until he was ten, when he walked in on the man in the bath "But then what does that make you for working here?"

"A guy that pays his debts." Naruto shot back, shooting the shopkeeper a deadpan stare, before resuming his task of shelving the assorted priceless tomes and scrolls that Yoko had a nasty habit of leaving all over the place, including, but not limited to, using a priceless collection of ink-paintings, at least a thousand years old, as a doorstop, or a first edition manuscript as a tea cozy. "Seriously, why do you think I come here?"

"Oh I don't know…" Yoko noted, smiling at the youth in a manner that had always caused him to blush, up until he turned ten and had grown immune "Perhaps you're trying to catch me unawares, like in the bathroom…or the laundry room…or the library…"

"Urusei, sukube!" Naruto snapped, chucking a letter opener at the perverted shop owner that missed by a hair, his blonde spikes standing on edge as hives raced up and down his skin like ants "Quit using me as reference for your sick-ass fantasies!"

"Mou…" Yoko pouted, looking at the seething blonde cutely as he stomped off, muttering about 'perverted freaks' all the while " Naru-chan's mad at me."

"AND STOP CALLING ME NARU-CHAN, SUKUBE!" came the blonde's retort from the other end of the house, Maru and Moro giggling and running off to get under his feet as usual, singing all the while "HEY! DON'T PULL ON-! STOP DAMMIT! NOOOOOooooooo-!"

Yoko chuckled as, somewhere in the house, Naruto was successfully brought down though the combined efforts of Maru and Moro, no doubt carrying something breakable that'd add to his time at the shop. "Ah youth…" he sighed, looking over a list of missions he'd already drafted up for when the blonde returned "And who knows?" he opined, looking up at a slight haze that had formed as the blonde left "Perchance your desire will be granted as well…" his smile grew oddly…fox like, as his mismatched eyes glowed "That is…if you can afford the price?"

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The next morning found Uchiha Sasuke walking up to the awe-inspiring front gates of Konoha, the designated rendezvous point for them to meet up for their first C-rank, his travel pack filled with the bare necessities required for a brief stint outside the village walls, namely spare Kunai and other stabbing implements, several changes of clothes, a few field rations, which he hoped to Kami he wouldn't have to resort to, as they tasted like a cross between refried rubber and sawdust, and the standard issue genin emergency field kit.

The only thing that WASN'T considered standard issue was a scroll the Uchiha had stashed in a hidden pouch within the rucksack, a Taijutsu scroll he'd uncovered while rooting through his broth…HIS room, during a clean-out session earlier that year.

At first he'd ignored the thing, seeing as the academy Taijutsu style had served him well enough up till about a month ago. That had been until Kakashi had utterly thrashed him, proving that even with the slight modification's he'd added to the original, textbook strikes, even if he WAS considered a genius, relying on a style that was taught to every no-name, rank and file brat that walked through the academy doors was NOT the sure fire way to advance. Prodigy or no, one didn't become rookie of the year by relying on one's lineage and pedigree.

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On the other side of Konoha, a certain Hyuuga prodigy sneezed, prompting his eccentric (Batshit Crazy) Sensei and his over-eager (Mini-Me) teammate to spout on about protecting his 'flames of youth' from being snuffed out, or vowing to walk around the village, on their hands whilst playing patty-cake. He would've ignored them, as usual, but their idea of 'helping' him involved enveloping him in a full body hug, wrapping around like amorous amoeba's to ward off further chills.

On a more positive note, as he leant panting against a tree trunk, thoroughly traumatized by the experience, with his sole sane teammate patting him comfortingly on the back, the other two lying at opposite ends of the training field, the Branch House member realized he'd figured out the trick to the elusive Kaiten he'd been wracking his brains to uncover.

Now if only he could forget the feeling of certain…parts, pressing up against his leg, they'd be in business.

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Sasuke had already glimpsed over the scroll over the course of the past few weeks, mostly going over the various training regiments that were a perquisite before learning the actual style. Had anyone been watching carefully, they'd notice that the Uchiha was tapping his feet slightly as he walked, not enough to slow him down terribly, but occasionally the same foot would make up to three footsteps as he walked past.

Naturally, the Uchiha found himself not the first person to arrive at the site, as a slumbering Naruto lay atop the guardhouse, snoring away whilst the chunin within sat scarfing down one of the blonde's home-made breakfasts, looks of rapture on their faces. It was a little known fact that most male shinobi ranked chunin and upwards not of a clan lived alone, and tended to mostly live off sandwiches and whatever take-out places were open this early in the day. Needless to say the prospect of a hot, home cooked breakfast bento was the closest thing to paradise they could expect.

"Yo." Naruto waved, tossing down the Uchiha's own bento as he walked up to the checkpoint "We got salmon rolls and chestnuts, plus some miso soup in the thermos."

"No smelt?" Sasuke asked, smirking as Naruto actually sat up slightly to glare down at him from the roof, their usual banter kicking off, the blonde once more denouncing his position as 'your Goddamned personal chef teme!' before Sasuke relented and broke off, honestly too eager to tuck in to continue the banter.

Settling himself comfortably onto the grass, his rucksack well within reach should Kakashi, by some fluke, turn up on time, the Uchiha unwrapped the gaudy orange 'Why in the hell does he like this colour anyways?' carrying cloth, removing the lid from the bento, taking a moment to inhale the scent of perfectly seasoned rice and chestnuts, before tucking into the feast, leaving Naruto to doze away on the roof, only the accompanying sound of the chunin guards scarfing down their own bento like starving wolves, their tears of bliss a thoroughly unsettling sight to behold, breaking the overall silence of the area.

Several minutes later, just as Sasuke was finishing off the last of the miso soup, a flash of pink in the crowd and his name cried out from down the street earned a light moan from the Uchiha, who looked up to espy Sakura racing towards him, panting lightly from the brief run, holding the straps of her rucksack for balance.

"Sasuke-kun!" the kunoichi greeted, beaming down at the Uchiha in obvious delight as she set the rucksack down and pulled a shoddily wrapped bento box out of it, holding it out to the dubious teen eagerly "Here, I made you breakfast!"

"I've eaten already." Sasuke pointed out flatly, but with a hint of an apologetic tone in his voice. Annoying and grating on the ears as she might be, Sakura was a teammate and alienating her with cold indifference wouldn't be good for their team dynamic. But there was no way in hell he was even TOUCHING that bento, not with that pink cloth with little hearts stitched, sloppily, all over it.

He didn't even want to think about the dark aura the thing was giving off, and he could have sworn he saw a tentacle wriggling out from under the cloth for a second too.

Sakura blinked, eyes widening at the sight of the familiar bento box with orange carrying cloth resting on her beloved's lap, turning her head from side to side to locate her fellow Genin. "Yo." A lazy voice called out, drawing her eyes to the guard-house roof, just in time to catch a bento box of her own "Take you time," Naruto assured her with a yawn, waving his hand from the roof "Kaka-sensei's not gonna be here for another hour or three."

"B-but I can't eat this!" Sakura insisted, forcing down the treacherous growl in her stomach as she regretted coming out the door with nothing but an apple and protein shake in her. He diet was going as hard as ever, but she was hardly going to let Ino-buta surpass her and claim Sasuke's heart.

"Mataku…" Naruto muttered, out of sight but clearly not out of mind, or opinions, "Give the diet thing a rest will ya? You keep starving yourself and you're gonna collapse in the street from hunger like Yamanaka did."

Sakura looked up at that, eyes wide with concern at the thought of her rival/best friend being in any sort of danger. "Is she alright?" the pinkette asked, wanting to leap up and shake the answers out of the blonde but too concerned with ruining her image as the Yamanaka's rival to do so. Plus it wouldn't be ladylike.

"She's fine." Naruto assured her, omitting the fact that Ino had collapsed in an alley, and that he'd only found her because the ghost of a little girl with a head injury had called out to him, the blonde kunoichi having knocked over her memorial "After I woke her up I took her to my place and got her to eat something…she can really put away the bowls for someone so skinny." He chuckled at that, recalling the sight of Ino inhaling the food faster than he could fork it out "Anyways, I told her that starving herself ain't the way to a guys heart, especially not teme's here." He smirked as Sasuke tossed the bento box from earlier up, nearly clipping him on the head "So she's promised to start eating right, and I got Shikamaru and Chouji to keep an eye out just in case."

Sakura blinked at that, honestly a little impressed at how her enigmatic teammate had handled the situation. True she'd been skeptical when he mentioned taking Ino back to his place, but Naruto had thus far not expressed an interest in females in general, outside of rumours of him sparring with a senior kunoichi in training prior to her graduation the previous year. Plus, while Ino may be blonde, Sakura knew she wasn't stupid enough to let herself be taken advantage of by a friendly face and a hot meal.

So, with a sigh of resignation to cover up her grumbling stomach, much to the amusement of the chunin guards, who saw through the act easily, the pinkette lifted the lid of the bento and tucked in, letting the culinary gold that was an Uzumaki water-cabbage and prawn bento wash over her taste buds.

'Maybe…maybe splurging a bit more for breakfast wouldn't hurt to much.' She allotted with a sigh.

'_Especially if we can eat this good every day! CHAAA!' _her inner voice agreed, several scenarios involving kidnapping Naruto and forcing him to cook for her every day after she married Sasuke-kun running through her mindscape.

Oddly enough, Sasuke had entertained the notion of having his rival legally adopted into the Uchiha clan several times before, the better to ensure he got to eat the blonde's cooking whenever he wished, but he'd never acted on them. For starters, he couldn't officially do so until he became chunin rank, for even if he was, technically, the last of his clan, and an adult by shinobi standards, until he was promoted he had as much business lobbying such a request as a fish had trying to fly.

Up on the rooftop, Naruto shivered, mumbling something about 'perverts' before rolling over in his sleep. He didn't know why, but the chills he'd been getting since he started bringing Sasuke bento had suddenly gotten worse.

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"Yo!" a cheerful voice called out several hours later, Kakashi popping up with his usual eye-smile and a rucksack over his shoulder "Sorry for the delay, I had to pull our client out of a ditch."

"CUT THE-!" Sakura began, only to blink and retch, covering her nose with both hands as the smell of old booze, mud and God only knows what else assaulted it. Sasuke shivered, his eyes narrowing in disgust as he turned his gaze to the bearded, hung-over looking figure lurking behind the Kakashi, noting that it looked like a cross between a B-movie swamp monster and a hobo with a hang-over.

"This is Tazuna-san." Kakashi offered, eye-smiling at his genin and the chunin guards as they fought the urge to toss their cookies, completely unaffected by the smell thanks to his oh-so-useful facemask "It'll be our mission to escort him back to his home in wave country."

"Can we escort him to the nearest shower first?" Naruto groused, pinching his nose shut, a decidedly animalistic snarl on his face as he returned the glare Tazuna's bloodshot eyes were leveling at him "Hell there's probably a hose or something around here somewhere, right?"

"Impudent brat…" Tazuna muttered, too hung-over from worrying the night before to make a bigger deal out of it. He'd been so worried about his family and the situation back home that he'd actually gotten lost drowning his sorrows at a bar, ending up spending the night passed out in a ditch under a bridge Kakashi frequented on his way to the memorial, which is where the jounin had found him.

"Now, now…" Kakashi chuckled soothingly, nodding towards Kotetsu and Izumo, the latter of which rushed off to fetch some towels and soap while the latter escorted Tazuna to the restroom at the back of the checkpoint to freshen up. The jounin blinked, noting the bento in Sakura's hand and cocking an eyebrow "Hm? You brought bento for everyone, Naruto-kun?" he noted, eye smiling at the blonde, a little interested in sampling his wares himself.

"Yeah but I didn't bring one for you sensei." Naruto pointed out, his words apologetic, though there was a hint of mockery there that just stank of his mother's blood "It'd have gotten cold by now anyways, I got here way before everyone else."

Kakashi sighed, ignoring the pointed meaning in the blonde's words as Naruto lay back down on the roof of the checkpoint. Ah well, he's simply have to try again later, if there was one thing his brief stint in ANBU had taught him, it was that patience was a virtue.

Except when it came to waiting for the next release of the Icha-Icha series to come in. Seriously, just how much 'Inspiration' did Jiraiya-sama need before he started shipping out the literary nirvana that was the only thing that made Kakashi's life worth living…well, other than driving people, most notably Gai, up the wall.

As he shook his head in mock disappointment however, the cycloptic jounin espied another bento box, albeit shoddily wrapped in a pink cloth, with pink hearts sewed haphazardly into the fabric resting near Sakura, with clear signs of having been recently opened. 'How sweet.' He noted, shooting the out of sight blonde an approving eye-smile 'Trying to win her over with food huh?' he chuckled good approvingly 'You're your father's son alright.'

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Sakura blinked, looking up from conversing with Sasuke on the finer points of chakra control as Kakashi-sensei lifted her own, home cooked bento up, blinking in confusion, and a little anger, as the jounin held it up to his lips, hiding his lower face with the box, and began to scarf it down without so much as a 'by your leave' before she could chastise him. After all, Sasuke-kun could have still sampled her cooking while they were on the road, right?

Though as seconds later the sounds of Kakashi heaving his guts out behind the checkpoint washed over them, the jounin drenching an unfortunate Tazuna in the contents of his stomach, she was forced to admit that maybe, just maybe, it had been for the better.

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Goddamn I love Kakashi. He's just so easy to mess with!

That said, I think the groups first meeting with Tazuna was decidedly better than the one in cannon. It certainly beats the old copy-and-paste 'meeting room, insult Naruto, get threatened' routine, right?

Nero, that oneshots gonna take a while longer, the file got a virus and I need to start from scratch.

That said, review or be fed Sakura's cooking!

Sakura: That's Mean!

Kakashi: HORPHURGLE! (OH GOD! I'M VOMITTING THINGS I HAVEN'T EVEN EATEN YET!)

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

For those who asked, Yoko's Nazi outfit makes himlook like von Kampfer from tRinity Blood...only without the cigar and more camp.

to reiterate, a 'Kampy von Kampfer'

Lol, sometimes I crack myself up.

* * *

Chapter Five: Zabuza.

After Tazuna had gotten cleaned up a second time, the bridge builder shooting a miserable looking Kakashi a heated glare, his hangover having been forgotten after spending three hours under a freezing shower, the group had set off for wave with an overall chipper air, if you discounted the only chipper ones seemed to be Naruto, who had a lazy smirk plastered all over his face, like the cat that got the canary, and Sasuke, who's normally reserved features had developed as slight twitch at the corners of the lips, clear signs of amusement in an Uchiha.

'There will be a reckoning you little brats…' Kakashi muttered bitterly, the jounin glaring beadily at the back of their heads, whilst offering a concerned Sakura his assurances that he was alright 'Note to self: Have Sakura sit through the basic poison and medical techniques as soon as we get back.'

Seriously, it had to be some kind of twisted talent, creating a class C poisonous substance out of what the girl had claimed to originally been boiled rice and omelet. Anko would get a real kick out of getting her hands on someone like that, after all, the only other known person to pull of something like this had been Tsunade-sama, and that had only been uncovered after a testimony from her younger brother.

'Still…it certainly gave her plenty of time to practice her medical techniques.' The jounin thought treacherously, chuckling weakly as he realized what Tsunade-sama would do to him if she learned of such thoughts 'And Sakura's Chakra control makes her the perfect candidate for medical jutsu…after all, I can't always be watching over them.'

It was only as they passed a nearby puddle that Kakashi realized something was wrong, cursing himself and his current condition as he barely managed to pull off a Kawarimi in time to avoid being reduced to shredded pulp. However, he really did curse when he ended up teleporting several miles into the woods to their right, rather than a tree overhead of his targets as his messed up constitution screwed up his control.

'Not good!' he muttered, leaping through the trees urgently, ignoring the roiling of his stomach as he raced back to the main road 'Those were clearly low chunin level opponents…this mission just got much more difficult!'

He burst out of the woods, kunai ready to fly from his fingers as he glared at the road, only to blink and gape in disbelief at the sight before him.

* * *

"Yo." Naruto greeted, one sword held over his shoulder as he smirked at the gaping jounin from his perch atop one of the toppled Houzuki brothers, his foot pressing the man's masked face into the dirt "Took your sweet time getting back, Kaka-sensei."

Sasuke snorted, leaning against a tree, to which was bound the other brother, wrapped in a combination of his own chains and several filament wires, which Kakashi noted led back to the Uchiha's fingers. Off to the side, Tazuna cowered behind a nervous, but decidedly determined Sakura, the pinkette standing with a kunai in one hand, the other set in a half ram seal to dispel any genjutsu.

'Well now…' Kakashi noted with a hint of approval, relaxing his stance as he made his way over to examine the prisoners 'Not too shabby for their first time.'

True there were flaws, Naruto should've ensured his opponent couldn't use his hands before he dared to sit on him, and Sasuke was standing too close to his opponent to escape if the man tried to self detonate. And the less said about their leaving Sakura to defend Tazuna on her own the better.

But all in all they'd fared a lot better than he'd given the current crop of genin credit for up till now. Hell, he'd heard about some of the washouts that had been dropped back to the academy, and even the attitude of some of the graduates. Asuma might seem laid back, but internally he'd been wracking his brain trying to get his trio of brats to work together up until some time last week, when Ino had seemed to wizen up a bit and started acting like a kunoichi should. And the less said about the folly of pairing an Aburame, who were so taciturn you could walk past one in the street and not see them, with an Inuzuka, who believed 'toning it down' meant NOT deafening half the village with their revelry, on the same team.

If it weren't for the inclusion of the Hyuuga heiress, who somehow managed to get the two to cooperate by acting as a sort of middle ground, Kakashi privately believed Kurenai would've started ripping her hair out after the first week.

Savoring the image of a bald genjutsu mistress for a few seconds, the jounin eye-smiled at his team, walking out with decidedly more calm than he, by rights, should be exhibiting "Yo, looks like you didn't need my help after all."

"Nah…these guys weren't that special." Naruto muttered, twisting his foot to keep his captive pinned "Other than running around with that chain of theirs they don't seem to got any special skills."

"Release us and say that again brat…" Sasuke's captive hissed from behind his mask, eyes narrowed at the blonde that dared to humiliate his brother so. 'Dammit…just where in the hell'd that old fart rustle up the cash for a Shinobi cell?' he wondered, eyeing the group with disdain 'Wait…this looks like…no, impossible, they wouldn't send a genin cell to handle Gato!'

"Who's Gato?" Sasuke asked, looking at the startled mist-nin with interest, noting Tazuna's quick intake of breath a hairs-breadth behind the shapreared Kakashi "Tazuna-san…you know these guys?"

"Never seen 'em in my life!" Tazuna insisted, shaking his head in denial, though there was a hint of panic in his voice, especially since Kakashi was looking at him suspiciously from behind that half-shut eye.

"Yare-yare…" Naruto muttered, shaking his head as he sheathed his sword, Kakashi having hog-tied his captive already "I hate customers that expect you to do a job without filling in the damn details…" he eyed the old man with an almost insulted expression "Lemme guess: You couldn't afford to hire a proper team to handle your problem, so you tried hiring an escort team?"

"You don't understand!" Tazuna insisted, looking from one unconcerned face to the other in desperation "If I don't get back to wave to finish my bridge, there won't BE a village to go back to!"

"Tears don't pay my salary old man." Naruto muttered, looking up at the distraught bridge builder in annoyance "Hell, the only reason I'm not marching back to Konoha right now is because it'd mess up my resume if I left you out here."

"Eloquently put Naruto." Kakashi chuckled weakly, deciding to play Good Cop to his genin's rather impressive Bad Cop and sidling up to pat Tazuna comfortingly, but sternly, on the shoulder "Now then Tazuna-san…from the beginning if you would?"

* * *

As Kakashi extracted the information from the bridge builder like a back-street dentist pulling a molar from an alligator with a hangover, Team Seven huddled together in private council, ignoring the glares of their captives.

"I say we head back to Konoha." Sakura suggested, thepink haired genin looking towards the seething, but still inescapably restrained Houzuki brothers, with trepidation "There could be more of those guys out there…"

"All the more reason to press on then." Sasuke opined, the Uchiha leaning against a tree with his arms crossed,his eyes narrowed in thought "Though I think sending off for back-up would be prudent."

"The old-lush's purse couldn't handle another team." Naruto countered, the blonde sitting cross-legged under the same tree, one hand on his knee and the other supporting his chin with his palm "Hell, he probably broke the bank just hiring US."

"So what do we do?" Sakura asked, looking between the two boys for an answer. She'll admit that they had shown little difficulty taking on their assailants, she hadn't even seen Naruto draw his sword before the chain the brothers had used to shred Kakashi's dummy was sliced in half. The Blonde had then lunged at one of them, forcing him back with his unusual sword skills while Sasuke laid the smack down on the other with a series of high speed kicks, actually leaving dents in the man's gauntlets. It had made the girl question her abilities all the more.

"Let's see what Kaka-sensei has to say first." Naruto opined after a moments silence, nodding towards the approaching scarecrow, who was leading a sulking Tazuna back to them like a champion Shepard escorting a sheepish ram.

"Seems we've stumbled onto an A-rank mission." Kakashi sighed, looking over his team with apparent disappointment, "Tazuna-san here neglected to inform the mission department about the group of Nuke-nin that've been chasing him all the way from wave."

"I had to do what I could!" Tazuna insisted, arms spread wide, imploringly "Without my latest work, Wave country won't last another winter! Gato's starved us out of house and Home, charging whatever the hell he wants for his shipments and killing anyone that opposes his 'takeovers'!"

"Gateaux?" Naruto repeated, an image of one of Yoko's sickeningly sweet confections entering his head with a grimace "You're telling me you're getting your ass whooped by some guy named after chocolate cake?"

"GATO." Kakashi countered, suppressing a chuckle as Tazuna's face turned an interesting shade of puce "Of Gato Shipping and Exports, one of the richest men in the world, as well as one of the most crooked." He pulled out his copy of the bingo book, flipping through the pages solemnly, before nodding "Right here, suspected of several hostile takeovers, use of excessive force and blackmail to hoard funds, numerous accounts of suspected murder…"

"Suspected my wrinkled ass!" Tazuna snapped, causing the genin to shudder at the image his words invoked "That bastard REVELS in it! He has his thugs beat up the victims en masse so they can't resist, then drags them to a public place, usually sealed off to prevent a riot, and forces everyone to watch the executions!"

"The lead by terror type." Sasuke noted with a grim nod,his eyes filled with sudden insight and understanding "Generally they're notoriously weak, relying on their wealth and influence to get the job done for them."

"Mataku…those're the type of clients I could do without." Naruto agreed, earning a few confused looks from the rest of the group.

It was a well-known fact to most of his associates that Naruto worked part-time, though he considered being a genin the part-time, for a shop back in Konoha. What went on in that shop, or even where it was located, was considered an Triple S-class secret, and any questions or attempts to weasel the information out of the blonde had been threatened with death by the Sandaime, who had said he'd handle the matter PERSONALLY.

However, there were times during missions when Naruto would let something slip, usually a name or two, or more often than not a 'Goddammit not AGAIN' at the sight of something unusual happening, like a street sign falling off a building or a woman's skirt getting blown up in a breeze. There was also, Kakashi noted, the occasional sighting by the ANBU patrol of his blonde student in certain no-go areas, like the Uchiha sector at night, or the Senju memorial plaza during a full moon. More often than not he gave them the slip, but occasionally they'd managed to tail him long enough to make out the last few seconds of a conversation with…someone.

Kakashi, as a whole, did not believe in goblins, ghouls and ghosts 'oh my…', but even so, he'd never worked up the nerve to just walk into the Uchiha district at night. Even ANBU had a hard enough time going there in the daytime. But sometimes, after reading the reports and watching his student in the field, he wondered if maybe, just maybe, his blonde student was involved in something a little…paranormal.

"Well anyways." The cycloptic jounin muttered with a sigh "We really need to discuss what to do here…standard procedure would be to head back to Konoha to inform the Sandaime of Tazuna's indiscretions." He chuckled as Tazuna winced, that'd teach him for trying to stiff them on the bill "But on the other hand, we can't just leave the situation as it stands."

"I say we just get the lush back to where he belongs safe and sound." Naruto opined, earning a look of shock from Tazuna "I mean, that IS what he hired us for right? No reason to stick around any longer than that."

"Dobe's got a point." Sasuke agreed, dodging a casual swipe that pulped the bark of the tree behind them "We were hired to escort Tazuna-san back to wave, nowhere in the contract does that include sticking around as bodyguards once back there."

"At the very worst we can always run if there's trouble." Sakura allotted, thepinkhaired genin looking troubled at the situation, but unwilling to appear cowardly before her Sasuke-kun...that and the idea of shown up by Ino for walking away from a mission just rubbed her the wrong way.

"Well there you have it." Kakashi uttered, beaming at Tazuna with his eye as he gestured towards his team "We'll honour the arrangement and escort you back home, Tazuna-san," his smile grew sickeningly sweeter "but from then on you're on your own."

Tazuna grumbled but said nothing. At the very least he still had his meat-shields for the trip back, he could work out how to convince them to stick around till the bridge was finished later.

* * *

"Zabuza-sama…" a quiet, gentle voice called out, breaking the silence of the hideout of a certain demon of the mist. The owner, a lithe figure in a green kimono and white, porcelain mask of a Kirigakure hunter-nin, "The Houzuki brothers didn't report in when scheduled, they've either set out their own-"

"Unlikely…" a gravelly voice countered, the speaker a large man, naked from the waist up save for a harness around his upper torso. His face was bandaged, not from injury but from preference, concealing his spiky, shark-like teeth that were a trademark of anyone hailing from Kirigakure "More than likely they were taken out by whatever trash the old fart managed to hire."

"Then what are you doing sitting there?" a nasal voice demanded, the speaker a short man in an expensive suit and receding hair. Behind him stood two Ronin samurai, hired help that loved their work, and got paid handsomely for it too "I hired you to kill Tazuna before he finishes the bridge! So why're you wasting time here-?!"

The businessman trailed off as the business end of a VERY sharp zanbato was shoved into his face, a hairs breadth from his nose. He backtracked, only to find another sword pointed at the small of his back, the masked nin having disabled his bodyguards with Senbon.

"Don't underestimate me." Zabuza growled, glaring at his employer coldly, "You paid me for a job and I'll do it…but don't think I'll put up with your smart talk like those dogs behind you." He smirked behind the bandages at the man "Rest assured…I'll bring you the bridge builders head…after my Kubikiri-Houcho drinks its fill."

* * *

"That is one huge ass bridge." Naruto opined, sitting cross-legged on the prow of the small rowboat that was ferrying them across, keeping an eye out for danger. Sasuke, sitting just behind the dobe, couldn't help but agree. The thing had to be at least as long as Konoha was wide, twice that at most.

"It's my masterpiece." Tazuna admitted, his eyes filled with solemn pride as he looked up at the structure through the mist "Once I finish it, the land of Waves will no longer be reliant on Gato's shipping docks for trade."

Kakashi said nothing, more interested in keeping an eye out for more attackers. The Houzuki brothers were kirigakure ninja, those fellows generally tended to be masters of Suiton jutsu and silent killing. It was said the best assassins came from Kiri, and who knew how many Gato had hired to off their charge, for all they knew this mist was actually a concealment jutsu.

But it would seem that no murderous, shark-toothed nin were going to emerge from the water to waylay them this time, the little ferry touching down not ten minutes later, the ferryman sailing off again with an apology to Tazuna and a prayer for their safety.

"I don't like this…" Sakura muttered, the pink haired genin shuffling along with apprehensive looks aimed at the surrounding woodland, staying as close to her teammates as she couldwithout breaking their formation "there could be enemies everywhere."

"Unlikely." Sasuke muttered, though he did keep a keen eye out for trouble "At the very worst they'd have at least one or two guys following us…that's the standard modus operandi for most ambushers."

"True…" Kakashi allotted, walking around with his usual slump, despite the alertness of his eye "But that's generally how Kirigakure ninja work…in pairs or flying solo, most genin cells break up pretty quickly once they all hit chunin."

"So what's the big deal with these mist guys?" Naruto asked, walking along with his hand resting lazily atop his swords "I mean Konoha's specialty is Katon like Teme's right?" he let Sasuke get a dig in for that "But that isn't what made us famous."

"You're right." Kakashi allotted "Konoha's main strength is our emphasis on teamwork, of never leaving a comrade hanging. Kirigakure, however, specialize in kenjutsu and assassinations, many a Konoha shinobi fear the idea of going up against a Kiri-trained master of silent killing."

"Kenjutsu huh?" Naruto asked, a smirk slowly making its way onto his face at Kakashi's words "Sounds like fun…I've been itching to put my Santouryuu to-HIT THE DECK!"

Kakashi shoved Tazuna to the ground, landing the man face-first in a steaming pile of what he'd originally assumed was mud. 'That's going to leave a stink' he noted with a wince, watching as the giant cleaver flew by overhead until it embedded itself in a tree, narrowing his eye at the bandaged assailant that had appeared on the hilt 'Oh boy…this one of all people…'

* * *

"Well now…it seems I won't be too bored after all." Zabuza noted, eyeing jounin, and thus the only plausible threat, amongst Tazuna's entourage "To think I'd be facing off against Hatake Kakashi, the copy-ninja himself."

"Momochi Zabuza." Kakashi greeted, his visible eye narrowing as Sakura helping a cursing Tazuna to his feet, the pinkette wincing from the smell "The Kirigakure no kijin…you're a long way from home."

"Pleasantries aside…" Zabuza noted, the brow-less swordsman turning his gaze towards Tazuna "I'm on the clock, so if you wouldn't mind, I'll be lightening the old man's load...a little off the top I think."

"Everyone, get behind me." Kakashi ordered, stepping forwards to halt Sasuke and Naruto in their tracks "This one's beyond your skills…" he lifted up his Hitai-ate, revealing his ace in the hole in all it's crimson glory "and I'll need all the room I can get."

"Ah…" Zabuza muttered, a hint of eagerness entering his tone as he turned to face Kakashi head on, eyes glinting "To think I would end up facing the infamous sharingan so early in our duel…what an honour."

"Sharingan…?" Naruto repeated, looking between the two jounin with a confused scowl on his whiskered face "The fuck? I thought only teme's clan had that Dojutsu?"

Sasuke was of the same opinion, though he wasn't as vocal in his discomfort. It had been a longtime suspicion of his that Itachi hadn't been alone when he'd wiped out the Uchiha clan overnight. Prodigy or not you couldn't take on an entire clan with similar abilities and training without someone to watch your back. Therefore, someone else must have aided the prodigal son in his betrayal, another sharingan user preferably, though Sasuke wasn't one to put all his kunai in a single holster.

'And it would explain why he only has ONE sharingan.' The Uchiha noted offhandedly, glaring at his Sensei in suspicion. While organ transplants weren't that uncommon these days, no clan would condone the sharing of their Kekkei Genkai with an outsider, even if the power couldn't be passed on, it would still give the receiver a better insight into their techniques and strength.

The Uchiha's thoughts were cut off, however, as Zabuza promptly filled the clearing with dense mist, his voice sending shivers down their spines, laced with enough killing intent to practically stop their hearts.

* * *

'Holy shit that's a lot of killing intent.' Naruto stammered, shivering with repressed memories, though it wasn't affecting him as badly as, say Sakura, who was feeling ready to drop to her knees and puke her guts out. Naruto had been exposed to Killing intent most of his life, hell he still vaguely remembered the killing intent of the Kyuubi no Youko on the night he'd been born, albeit dimly, like phantom pain. After being exposed to killing intent of that magnitude, everything else was like pissing on a duck's back.

'Sasuke looks like he's having a rough time of it.' he muttered, placing his free hand on the Uchiha's shoulder, sending a small burst of chakra into his palm, enough to startle his teammate back to reality. He nodded reassuringly, drawing two of his swords and tilting his head towards Sakura. Sasuke, after a moments hesitation helped the girl straighten herself out, the trio forming a triangle around Tazuna while Kakashi kept an eye out.

"Pretty sharp bunch of brats you have there Kakashi…" Zabuza called out, a mocking lilt to his voice "Still…" He appeared between them, right in front of Tazuna, crouched and ready to swing "Not sharp enou-!"

"NIGIRI: HIRAMEKI!" Naruto yelled, swinging his swords round in a circle, Zabuza only blocking the strike by raising his sword, eyes widening as a burst of air pressure pushed him back a step. "MAGUMA!"

Zabuza swore as the blonde leapt right at him, pushing him back out of the fog with the force of the leap, their swords pressed together. 'The hell kind of strength does this kid have in his legs?!' the kijin muttered, his muscles tensing as he swiped Kubikiri-Houcho, sending the brat back the way he came. But by then Kakashi had joined the fray, drawing Zabuza into a quick blow-for blow spar, until a lucky swipe of the cleaver drove the copy-nin into the lake.

'Wait…what's wrong with the water?' Kakashi muttered in alarm, his eyes widening as he realized,far too late, that it was like swimming in treacle 'No!'

"Too easy Kakashi." Zabuza chuckled, appearing on the water and flipping through the seals for his Suirou no jutsu, enclosing Kakashi in a bubble of water, leaving just enough chakra to keep the poor sap from drowning "Having you running around complicates matters…so I'll just have you sit this fight out." He muttered, a half-ram seal summoning a Mizu bunshin right in front of the brats "Now then…let's watch shall we?"

* * *

"You okay Naruto?" Sakura asked, the concerned pinkette helping the dazed blonde to his feet, checking him over for injuries with a look ofangry shock "What were you thinking? Leaping in like that?!"

"I was thinking I'd see what Mr. Pajama pants over there was as bad as Kaka-sensei put it." Naruto shot back, blood dripping down his forehead from a slight gash as he licked his lips eagerly "Have to say I'm impressed, he's got enough strength to hurl that cleaver around without slowing him down…and he's fast enough to keep up with Kaka-sensei going all out."

"Of course, he's a jounin." Sasuke pointed out, theUchiha crouching next to the blonde, having caught him out of the air before he crashed into a tree,his features grim "That was reckless of you."

"Reckless, feckless." Naruto shot back with a scoff, earning a blush from Sakura as he got to his feet "One things for sure though…" he noted, eyeing the easily twelve foot hunk of murderous metal with what looked like approval "that big ass sword he's hocking around ain't for show. Master work I'd say."

"Your brat's got a good eye Kakashi." Zabuza noted with approval, the Kirigakure no Kiijin smirking at the blonde from behind his bandages as the Mizu bunshin gripped its imitation of the cleaver tightly "Indeed, this is the Kubikiri Houcho, one of the seven legendary blades of Kirigakure." He smirked "This blade almost took the head of the Mizukage."

"Hell of a resume…" Naruto noted with a whistle of approval, reaching over and undoing his Hitai-ate, "Wish I could boast the same about these two hunks of junk." He smirked, wrapping the bandanna around his head, before drawing the white katana from its sheath and placing it between his teeth "But then…this'll be the perfect test for my Santouryuu."

"Santouryuu?" Zabuza repeated, the browless master of silent killing looking at the blonde in disbelief. Had the kijin had any eyebrows, he'd be quirking one by now "Never heard of it…you some sort of circus reject kid?"

"Yeah keep posing old man." Naruto shot back with a grin, crossing his arms to his chest, blades held high "Just don't blame me if I take your damn nose off to match your eyebrows."

He lunged forwards, clashing with the Mizu-bunshin before Kakashi could yell at him to retreat, blades clashing against the massive cleaver, not giving it a chance to swing the damn thing. "Santouryuu…" the blonde grit out, leaping back a step, arms crossed and blades pointing upwards, as the Zabuza clone swept the blade high, leaving itself open for a precious second "ONI-!"

Before the clone could react, both blades slashed diagonally across its chest, cleaving through the artificial muscle and chakra network as the third blade slashed it in half at the waist.

"GIRI!"

The clone stood there, eyes wide for the briefest of seconds, before collapsing into a puddle of water. Naruto stood crouched behind it, a smirk on his features as he looked up at the stunned jounin. "You're next, no-brows." He called out, lunging forwards again despite Kakashi's warning, only to pull up short as Zabuza casually swung his blade with one arm, nearly taking the blonde's head with it.

"Pretty good kid." The Kirigakure no kiijin admitted, smirking at the crouching blonde "even if it's only 1/10th as strong as me, that Water clone was still no push over." His smirk grew decidedly deadly "Still…you're just a kitten to me…a cub that needs culling."

"Blow it out your ear no-brows." Naruto shot back, smirking as the jounin twitched slightly in irritation "You done talking out your ass yet? 'Cause if you are, we're done playing around!"

* * *

Zabuza had long enough to wonder just what the hell the brat was going on about when a foot came right out of left field and decked him right in the nose, sending him sprawling backwards, dragging Kakashi under the water with him as the Suirou burst. Surging to his feet, delivering a quick kick to the ribs to keep Kakashi under water, the jounin glared at Sasuke as the Uchiha used the impact of the kick to flip back onto the land, landing on all fours next to his teammate.

"Not bad teme…" Naruto offered, the blonde swordsman smirking at his rival approvingly as their opponent dragged himself out of the water "didn't even see you moving till you were halfway there…some hotshot Uchiha Taijutsu?"

"It's called Rokushiki." Sasuke explained, not taking his eyes off of Zabuza "The Uchiha clan only passed it on to those that unlocked their Sharingan early" he stiffened slightly at the last dig Itachi had left in the scroll "which is why I haven't used it up till now."

"Figured it was now or never huh?" Naruto reasoned, smirking at the Uchiha as they regained their footing, his eyesnever leaving their irate opponent for a second "Still…what was that last move you did?"

"Soru…an advanced movement technique." Sasuke admitted, speaking out the corner of his mouth to avoid lip reading from the enemy, a trait most jounin mastered early "I haven't perfected it yet…but it's one of the basics."

"Oi…Haruno!" Naruto called out, startling the stunned Sakura out of her daze without looking over his shoulder "We're holding off no-brows here until Kaka-sensei finishes his dip, so don't let Tazuna-ossan outta your sight!"

"H-HAI!" Sakura peeped, the flustered pinkette stepping in front of the equally stunned bridge builder with kunai at the ready, having already taken the time to rig the area with traps while Zabuza was clawing his way out.

"Now then…" Naruto drawled, his teeth glinting around Wado's grip "Let's dance, you brow-less macaque."

Zabuza lunged off the lake, bringing his sword down in a bid to cleave the brat in two, only for Naruto and Sasuke to sidestep, the Uchiha disappearing with a slight severing sound, reappearing behind Zabuza and delivering a spinning heel kick to the back of the man's skull. Zabuza, not one to be fooled twice, ducked under the swipe and grabbed Sasuke's leg in his free hand, hurling him at the lunging Naruto, who's charge was halted as he was forced to sidestep.

"TOU ROU NAGASHI!" the blonde snarled, looping under the follow-up strike from Kubikiri Houcho, deflecting it with his dual katanas, before lunging forwards like a snake and slashing with the one clenched between his teeth. Zabuza grunted, leaning out of the path, barely, receiving only a slight gash under his eye instead of having the organ slashed out, glaring madly at the blonde as he backhanded him savagely, bringing his cleaver overhead with a snarl.

Naruto, dazed from the blow, nonetheless held his swords to his side, parallel to the ground and spun towards the threat "Nigiri…" he ground out, leaping upwards, blades aiming for the cleaver's hilt "TOUROU!"

There was a clash of steel, and then a brief, shattering sound, followed by a splash of crimson liquid as Zabuza's cleaver crashed into the ground like a the slab of metal it was. Naruto hung there, arching gracefully backwards through the air, the broken hilts of his swords held between limp fingers, even as a massive spurt of blood trailed away from his chest, the shirt and Haramaki sliced by the edge of the assassin's blade.

"Well…Shit…" the blonde muttered around Wado, the only one of his swords to survive the conflict, even as he crashed headfirst into the water, Sasuke and Sakura crying out his name as the world disappeared into watery darkness.

* * *

Cliffhanger no jutsu!

Credit to Nero sparda for this masterpiece.

Read and Review to save Naruto-kun!


	7. Chapter 7

Whoo...been a while for this one...

Naruto: THE HELL TEME?

Look, I'm sorry, shit happens, I'm temporarily off the Naruto bandwagon for a bit due to all the shit Sasuke's canon Counter part stirred up.

Sasuke:n don't glare at ME dope. Even I hate how the other me turned out.

Naruto: Shit, how long's it been since this was updated?

Sasuke: Nothing compared to his other works.

Sakura:L Guys? Camera?

Naruto: SHIT MY LINES?

KLONLK

Kyugan: You don't need 'em, now this is the brainchuld of Nero Sparda, Give credit or else.

* * *

Chapter six:

_"Is he going to be alright…?"_

Voices.

_"…miracle…should've…cleaved in two…"_

Familiar voices.

_"…all my fault…"_

So tired...

_"…thing I ever saw…!"_

Damn…too noisy to sleep.

_"…Dobe's…too stubborn to die…"_

"Got that right, teme…" Naruto muttered, opening his eye a crack to smirk at Sasuke, who was squatting near him, well within striking distance. The blonde winced, a hand lifting to his chest as it twinged whenever he tried to sit up "Ow…anyone get the Serial number of that Jounin?"

"Laugh it up dope," Sasuke snorted, though internally it was a weight off his chest to see the idiot still amongst the living. He could almost smell those rations and instant dinners for a moment, not a favorable fate to be sure.

"Love to, but my funny bone must've been cut with that last one." Naruto grunted, smirking as he allowed Sasuke to help him sit up, looking around at their new surroundings in confusion "Where the hell are we?"

"My house." Tazuna called out from the corner, the blonde looking over to find the lush not only surprisingly sober, but also with his sleeves rolled up and covered in blood "Good thing we were close, you could've bled to death out there."

Naruto looked down at the bridge builder's calloused, weather-beaten hands, noticing they were stained red and were currently in the midst of slicing up what looked like an old bed sheet. He'd honestly not pegged the old geezer to be so accommodating, but the concern in those old eyes, now that the fog of alcohol had disapparated through the light of sobriety, was akin to the genin's sensei's, former and current, and some weird teenager with purple hair that had once let him finish her dango when he'd been wracked with hunger after one of Yoko's jobs a few years back.

"What happened." He demanded, all traces of humor gone as he sat up, shaking free of Sasuke's hold, crossing his legs and putting his hands on his knees "What happened to no-brows?"

"Well…" Tazuna muttered uncertainly "after he tossed you in the lake, Sasuke here leapt at him and started wailing on him with everything short of the kitchen sink." He chuckled at the joke "The swordsman got another nick or two, but swatted him out of the air with a backhand that broke a few ribs." He nodded at Sasuke, who pulled his shirt up to reveal the wrappings "And then Kakashi swooped in and the fight just went right over my head."

"Kakashi-sensei used the sharingan to unnerve Zabuza and copy a few jutsu." Sasuke picked up diligently, lowering his shirt once again and leaning against the wall to ease the strain on his ribs "He had him cornered too…and then a Mist Hunter-nin swooped in and took him out with a few senbon to the neck."

"Wait, The HELL?" Naruto snapped, wincing from the wound on his chest "There was a hunter-nin skulking in the woods and he didn't step in until we'd worn no-brows down?"

"That's what your teammate said." Tazuna chuckling at the memory "She tore into that poor fellow when he turned up, wouldn't let him get a word in edgeways until he finally picked up the corpse and pulled that teleporting thing you ninja's like to use."

"Shunshin." Sasuke offered, rubbing his ribs tenderly as he looked his teammate over carefully, as if checking for unseen injuries "After that, Kakashi-sensei kind of collapsed, apparently his sharingan takes a lot out of him, so Tazuna-san carried him back to the house to recover, and Sakura and I dragged your carcass back here between us."

"If you're expecting a thank you kiss, don't hold your breath." Naruto quipped, earning a slap upside the head from the Uchiha "OI! Injured here dammit!"

"I'M injured too, Dope." Sasuke reminded him, smirking smugly as he did so "And I think I'll have smelt in my bento next time…and pickles."

"You're a bastard, you know that teme?" Naruto snorted, smirking up at the Uchiha, only to blink as his hand brushed his side, finding his Haramaki gone "Hey! My swords!"

Sasuke sighed, pulling out a wrapped bundle, laying it out before the blonde with a sort of apologetic reverence. "I picked up what I could find." He offered, revealing the shattered remains of the two black swords Naruto had lost "Kakashi-sensei said they didn't stand a chance against quality steel like Zabuza's Kubikiri Houcho."

"I coulda told you that." Naruto muttered, looking over the plain, nameless katana wistfully. Cheap or no they'd been a part of him ever since he'd first started developing Santouryuu "And Wado?"

Sasuke pulled the white katana out from behind him, laying it in his rival's hands, Naruto unsheathing it, looking the blade over for flaws. "I'm no expert, but it seems fine to me." The Uchiha offered reassuringly "At the very least, this one came through intact."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." Naruto uttered, sheathing the weapon in relief, smiling down at it as he laid it on his lap. While losing the other two wasn't that much of deal, more of a hindrance really, losing Wado would have been akin to someone killing off one of the jinchuriki's precious people. "By the way…" he asked, looking around in confusion "Where's kaka-sensei? And Haruno for that matter."

"Your sensei's asleep in the next room." Tazuna informed the blonde helpfully "He assured me he's just a little drained from the fight, he'll be up and about in a few days." He chuckled to himself "And your teammate's helping my wife in the kitchen."

It was only later, as he stared down at the bubbling remains of…whatever it had been Sakura had tried to cook, did Tazuna question the logic behind his decision to keep Sasuke and Naruto from reopening their wounds in their bid to stop the girl. For one thing, he highly suspected the char-grilled gelatinous abomination to once have been part of the stove.

Having it wink raunchily at him as he chewed wasn't helping get it down any easier either.

* * *

_Elsewhere... _

"They really worked you over…" the hunter nin noted, beaming at Zabuza as he lay there, allowing the masked teen to wrap him in bandages and salves "Any longer and Kakashi-san might have finished you off."

"The copy-nin got lucky." Zabuza growled, twisting his nose back into place, cursing Sasuke for the umpteenth time since he'd woken up "And take that damn mask off…you're giving me the creeps."

"So sorry." The youth offered, reaching up and unhooking the mask from the mist Hitai-ate, revealing pale, porcelain skin, black hair done up elaborately with pins and a bun, full, soft lips and kind eyes "but you get so used to wearing them over time."

"You're twisted." Zabuza muttered, though it was with an almost affectionate air, looking over the youth's features and feeling his rage dissipate "But then that's what I like about you."

"The fog has lifted" the youth noted, looking out with a smile at the sun as it rose further into the sky, signifying it was almost noon "What shall we do?"

"Fall back for now…" Zabuza muttered, clenching his hand stiffly, as the rigor mortis from his temporary death hadn't quite worn off yet "Build our strength…" he scowled, clenching his fist tightly in his ire "and next time…I'll CRUSH the sharingan."

* * *

_The Next Day..._

"You wanna run that last but by me again, Kaka-sensei?" Naruto muttered, a deadpan expression on his face as he scowled at the currently indisposed jounin, who was leaning on a set of crutches "Tree climbing without using our hands?"

Ever since the previous evening, when Kakashi had come to the conclusion that Zabuza was still alive and kicking, the group had been decidedly on edge, except for Tazuna, who spent most of the day monopolizing the bathroom, still suffering from Sakura's dinner the night before.

Naruto and Sasuke, of course, were raring to face off against the swordsman again, but Kakashi had reminded them that as they were they didn't stand a chance, which had lead to him suggesting advanced training, with an eye-smile that really should have tipped them off sooner.

"I agree with the dobe, sensei." Sasuke muttered, earning a glare from Naruto, but the blonde's chest still ached too much to strike fast enough "I don't see how this is supposed to help us against Zabuza."

Quite frankly the Uchiha doubted there was ANY use to learning this skill, outside of better chakra control. Hell he'd seen the other teams mastering this before they'd left the village, why was Kakashi only getting round to it NOW?

"Well that's because YOU won't be fighting Zabuza." Kakashi shot back with his trademark eye-smile, leaning heavily on the cheap wooden crutches he'd crafted out of spare lumber "You're only concern will be to protect Tazuna-san, Zabuza's my problem."

"The hell he is!" Naruto snapped, seething slightly at the memory of the bandaged jounin and his condescending attitude "That patchwork Daruma broke my swords!"

"You're a fine one to talk about being patched up, dobe." Sasuke snorted, only to grunt as Naruto elbowed him in the kidney. Not too hard mind you, but enough to get the point across.

"Anyways, I don't got time for this crap." Naruto muttered, hand tightening around the white sword at his side, "I gotta see about finding some replacement swords."

"By the way…why're you carrying those two?" Sakura asked, nodding to the black-sheathed blades, which were resting in the blonde's Haramaki despite only the handles remaining intact.

"I don't feel right walking around without all three." Naruto explained glumly, eyeing the ruined blades with a distant expression "So I'm just carrying these till I can get them replaced."

"Well you're not likely to find any here." Kakashi pointed out cheerfully, earning a positively murderous glare from his charge "So why don't you all start practicing? Here, I'll even show you how…"

* * *

_Zabuza's Pimpin' hideout..._

"You're pathetic!" Gato snapped the moment he stepped out of Zabuza's bedchamber, gripping the stub of his arm where his right hand used to be and glaring murderously at his supposed bodyguards, who'd been about as useful as a paper shield against the Demon's apprentice, who'd chopped his hand off for daring to touch the Demon as he rested. The fact he'd done it with said bodyguards' own swords, not wanting to sully his own with Gato's blood, was a pointed insult "Just what the hell am I paying you two for?"

"We warned you that hiring that psychopath was a mistake." Zouri muttered, the shorter of the two slumping along while Waraji, the larger one, kept shooting wary glances back towards the Demon's resting place "If you'd simply allowed US to off the old man…"

"FOOL!" Gato snapped, smacking the shorter of the two upside the head with his cane, not daring to do so to Waraji out of fear for the man's hair trigger, and Zouri, being a bit of a masochist, enjoyed the harsh treatment anyways "I send you in and you'll be chopped to ribbons by those Konoha bastards! It took ONE of them to bring Zabuza down, and there's FOUR of them there!"

"My apologies…" Zouri offered with a bowed head "But still, don't you think we should be thinking up alternatives? After all…the demon charges through the nose per head…methinks it would cost LESS to have him…removed, once his job is complete?"

"I've already thought ahead there." Gato admitted, looking around warily incase Zabuza's pet was lurking in the wings "Believe me, as soon as Tazuna's out of the picture I'll get that demon…and his little dog too…"

* * *

_As Gato flees..._

"You shouldn't have done that…Haku." Zabuza chastised, looking over at his protégé with a reproving glare, his face, and the kunai he held in his hand, hidden beneath the duvet of his bed.

"I could not allow that…weasel, to touch you, Zabuza-sama." Haku offered simply, pretty face contorted with barely restrained disgust at the very idea.

"Weasel or not he's still our employer." Zabuza countered, leveling a glare at the false hunter nin before sighing, leaning his head back "Dammit…those herbs of yours may numb the pain and speed up my healing…but they drain the hell out of me."

"Anyone else would be in a coma-like state." Haku pointed out cheerfully, smiling as Zabuza leveled a glare at her for her chipper attitude "albeit a temporary one."

"You're a freak, you know that?" Zabuza scoffed, shaking his head before lying back under the blanket with a grunt "I'm tired…"

"Get your rest." Haku insisted, pulling the curtains closed to darken the room and heading off towards the bathroom "I'll be back soon."

Zabuza grunted, watching his pale skinned protégé walk off, the sound of the shower kicking up a few minutes later, his eyes slowly shutting as the sound of water falling off a human form lulled him back to his healing sleep.

* * *

_Team 7 several hours later..._

Kakashi had long ago hobbled back to the house to recover his chakra and strength, and the group felt they had gotten the hang of things, mostly, and were taking a break. Naruto, who had advanced to the point he could make it half way up the trunk before he cracked the bark under the tree, found himself wandering around the town with a frown on his face, trying to locate at least ONE shop that sold weapons, or even a good old-fashioned blacksmith.

But Wave, much to the blonde's consternation, was turning out to be just as destitute as Tazuna had implied during Kakashi's interrogation. The people looked so woebegone and beaten they didn't even bother begging him for change as he passed, though the blonde suspected that was merely the remnants of civic pride holding them back. Hell, the streets were literally picked clean of vermin and garbage, apparently nobody wasted anything here, and those that were fortunate enough to still afford food, or had the means to get it, shared the wealth as best they could amongst their fellows, and they still went hungry.

Which is why Naruto was currently forcing himself to swallow a hot-dog that must've been at least three days off, wrapped in a hard bun with nothing but a squirt of sour mayo and dry lettuce to cover the taste. True he'd eaten worse, as the orphanage staff hadn't believed in sharing the good stuff with the brats, let alone the 'demon spawn', so it wasn't that hard to get it down, but he had a feeling he'd be regretting it later, namely when the porcelain goddess demanded her nightly sacrifice.

"Naruto?" a voice called out from behind, the blonde turning round and coming face to face with Tsunami, Tazuna's daughter and single mother walking towards him, a surprised Sakura bringing up the rear, the pink haired girl carrying a rather empty bag of groceries.

"Well this is a surprise," Tsunami noted, walking up to the blonde with her shopping basket held on her arm like a handbag, probably weighing as much as one too "What are you doing here?"

"Window shopping." Naruto replied offhandedly, swallowing the last of the god-awful sausage before patting his sheaths "Was wondering if there was a weapon shop in town…hell even a blacksmiths would do."

"There was a blacksmith living here a few years ago." Tsunami noted, her face turning sad at the memory, "But he passed away shortly before Gato moved in, and his family lives abroad."

"Damn." The blonde muttered, looking crestfallen at the woman's words. He could imagine what it could be like to die alone after all, were it not for Yoko he'd probably not be here right now.

"However…" Tsunami spoke out, looking the boy over in concern, misreading his expression as disappointment "if it's a sword you're looking for…" she trailed off, a look of uncertainty on her face, before shaking her head, her resolve set "We have one in the attic at home, I'll bring it down later for you."

* * *

_Sakura's POV..._

"Tsunami-san?" Sakura wondered, looking the woman over in concern, noting how rigid her back had gone for a few seconds as she watched her woman walk back down the street towards the house she shared with Tazuna and her son, Inari.

The little boy hadn't made the best impression on the ninjas, predicting that they were all going to die, and getting highly incensed when Naruto ignored him in favor of dozing against the wall. Since then he'd made it his duty to follow the blonde around the house, reminding him that his attempts to save the wave were pointless, and that heroes always got cut down by the bad guys.

If Naruto had responded to the boy's words at all he'd managed to hide it well, which is more than Sakura could claim, as Kakashi had already had to restrain her from throttling the boy once already. Of course, Inari had thus gotten it into his head that annoying the blonde would have no repercussions, after all, if he was so weak he couldn't even defend himself, he couldn't be much of a threat right?

Which is why he was currently waiting for them at the house, his flat, emotionless stare boring into the ninjas as they drew closer alongside his mother. "Why're you still here?" he asked, looking them over with impassive dismissal "It's not like you can do any good…unless pinky there's planning to poison Gato."

Sakura glared murderously at the brat, only the fact her arms were laden with the hard earned, albeit paltry, groceries saving Inari from a Kunoichi beat-down, and the smug little brat knew that all too well.

Ignoring the seething kunoichi, Inari turned his gaze to Naruto, eyes narrowing at one of the few people, other than the perpetually unflappable Kakashi, who could ignore him. Hell even Sasuke had shown ire at the brat on a few occasions, but after seeing the Uchiha practicing his Goukakyuu over the water, Inari had wisely decidedly to leave the raven-haired pyromaniac alone.

"Didn't find a sword in town did'ja?" he quipped, looking the blonde over with a smug expression, only to scowl as Naruto simply walked past, taking half the groceries off Sakura's hands as he did so "You really think you're fooling anyone walking around with those swords? Gato's thugs are trained samurai, they'll carve you open like a turkey before you could think of drawing."

"Where do you want the tinned goods, Tsunami-san?" Naruto asked, earning a scowl from Inari as he annoyed the overall-sporting brat in favor of unpacking the groceries.

"I mean who do you think you're fooling?" the brat continued, nodding towards the blades at Naruto's hilts "Running around playing at swordplay, against a real master it's no wonder you lost your swords." He scoffed, "And what's the idea of running around with three? You think it's cool or something?"

"I think I can make something out of these mushrooms." Naruto mentioned to tsunami, the blonde having taken up helping the woman in the kitchen since moving in "And the rice from last night should still be edible so we'll eat pretty well tonight, and there'll even be enough for breakfast if we pace ourselves."

"That's a relief." Tsunami admitted, smiling at the blonde in thanks as she packed away a day-old loaf of bread "I was worried we might have to limit ourselves again. Oh, and about that sword I mentioned earlier, can you wait until after supper?"

"I'm in no hurry." Naruto assured her, smiling kindly at the woman that was putting them up for the duration of their stay. Normally, as Shinobi, they'd be quite fine roughing it in the woods near the house, so as to ensure they didn't get emotionally attached, but with Sasuke and Kakashi still injured, Naruto's own wounds having miraculously healed overnight, which he and Kakashi attributed to his furry tenant, Tsunami was having none of it. They were the ones responsible for protecting her father from Gato's machinations; the least she could do was be a generous host.

By now Inari, who as an only child was used to being the center of attention in his own house, was not taking too kindly to being ignored, especially by someone that was being overly familiar with his mother. So the boy frowned, looking over the broken blades at Naruto's hips in disdain, and smirked as his eyes landed on Wado.

"Maybe next time that Zabuza guy'll break that cheap-ass piece of junk too." He sniped, looking Naruto over with complete lack of fear of repercussion. That ended the moment his hat fell in pieces around him, his eyes widening as he fell over backwards, looking up in terror as the blonde brandished the business end of the white blade in his face, much to Tsunami's horror.

"NEVER." Naruto growled, his arm trembling from anger as he glared down at the terrified youth "EVER, speak about Wado like that again." He warned, sheathing the blade with a growl, leveling one last glare at Inari, nodding his head in a slight bow to Tsunami, before marching out the door of the kitchen towards the woods behind the house.

* * *

Bit short, and yeah, don't ever insult Wado in front of Naruto. He's a tad protective of it.

Again, sorry for delay Nero, but as I said, Naruto's gone down hill thanks to emo bastards.

Ja ne!


End file.
